…you ask your phlebotomist if he got

the whole phleb.

…you use DNA, DNR and DMV interchangeably.

…when your doctor asks you to “Fill this cup for me”

you can’t resist asking “From here?”

…when the same doctor finishes your colonoscopy she says,

“Bad news. I think you’re head’s still up there.”

…you have to spell-check MRI.

…there is no part of your body

you wouldn’t use to stop an elevator from closing.

…instead of doing chest compressions to

the beat of Stayin’ Alive, you do them

to Another One Bites the Dust.

…you stifle a laugh whenever someone says “dopamine.”

…your advice to someone who broke their leg in

three places is Wow, make sure not to go

back to those places.

…you named your dog MCAT.

…you consider Cyrus Virus

a pre-existing condition.

…“fecal-oral spread” makes you think of hors d’ouevres.

…after all these years, no one has ever laughed

when you tell someone they’re a “sight for


…you think Pepcid AC is a

South American soccer team.

…it can’t be important if it’s not on the midterm.

…“clinicals” sounds like something you’d scrape off a clinic.