A serious look at fish-out-of-water comedy.

By Luke Sacher

There is nothing remotely amusing about a fish-out-of-water experience. We’ve all been there at one time or another. Being in the wrong place at the wrong time, ill-equipped to cope with unfamiliar circumstances or unpredictable people, is at best deeply unsettling and, at worst, totally harrowing.

Unless, of course, it’s happening to someone else. In that case it’s hilarious.

My first boss out of college, a TV commercial director, advised me one day: “There are no small jobs, only small people.” I sardonically replied: “What about big jobs and big people? Or small jobs and big people? Or big jobs and small people?” He glared at me and said, “Okay, philosopher… now go pick up my dry cleaning.”

That small job led to bigger and better things, so his observation was sound and his point well made. Since then, I have adhered to my own version, which is when a window of opportunity opens, jump through it…just make sure you’re on the ground floor when you do. Needless to say, there is an entire genre of fish-out-of-water workplace comedy that runs counter to this kind of career advice. It’s the first of five I invite you to explore.

1. The Patience of Job

In My Cousin Vinny (1992), Joe Pesci plays a street-smart personal injury attorney from New York City who finds himself in a Deep South courtroom defending his young cousin on what looks to be a slam-dunk murder charge. Vinny has three major problems: near total incompetence, absolutely no trial experience and a severe case of cultural tone deafness—which collectively earn him the contempt of the judge, played by Fred Gwynne. Vinny finally gets a grip on his situation when he begins listening to the movie’s other fish out of water, his girlfriend Mona, played to Oscar-winning perfection by Marisa Tomei.

In Spy (2015), Melissa McCarthy plays Susan Cooper, a dowdy, 40-something CIA desk analyst who is thrust into the role of field operative after super spy—and love of her life—Bradley Fine (Jude Law) is neutralized in a plot involving black market nuclear weapons. Imagine Moneypenny stepping in for James Bond. Or better yet, a ribald mix of Homeland, The Sum of All Fears, the Three Stooges and the Marx Brothers. Like Vinny, “Coop” finds a way to avert disaster and make us laugh while figuring out what separates an amateur from a pro.

Jerry Lewis, whom I knew and with whom I worked, starred in The Patsy (1964). When an A-List Hollywood pop and movie star perishes in a plane crash, his parasitic flunky managers, agents, producers and writers lose their meal ticket, and need to groom a replacement fast. Enter Stanley Belt, a bellboy at their hotel. The film has four unforgettable scenes: the singing lesson, the barber shop, the recording session, and Stanley lip-synching his hit song “I Lost My Heart in a Drive-In Movie” on an American Bandstand-style dance show. The final scene would do Fellini proud.

2. Boys Will Be Girls

In the world of fish-out-of-water comedy, the best man for the moment is often a woman. After all, how hard can it be? Slap on some makeup, don a few glad rags, slip into a pair of heels, raise the pitch of your voice…and you’re good to go. What could possibly be the downside? Just don’t ask Michael Dorsey (aka Dorothy Michaels in Tootsie), Daniel Hilliard (aka Euphegenia Doubtfire) or Joe and Jerry (aka Jospehine and Daphne in Some Like It Hot).

In Tootsie (1982), Dustin Hoffman’s out-of-work actor finds fame and fortune disguised as a soap opera diva. The charade creates profound chaos in Dorsey’s personal life, but he learns valuable lessons about feminine empowerment and winds up a better man for it. In Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Robin Williams masquerades as an over-the-top Scottish nanny in order to stay in the lives of his children after a messy divorce. It is difficult to imagine any actor other than Williams pulling off such a ludicrous character; in fact, Mrs. Doubtfire herself has a hard time keeping it together, both literally and figuratively.

Saving the best for last, Billy Wilder’s masterpiece Some Like it Hot (1958) features Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon as a pair of jazz musicians who witness a Chicago mob rubout. They save their skins by joining an all-female orchestra (featuring Marilyn Monroe) headed for a winter gig in Miami. Once in Florida, Curtis’s character pursues Monroe by impersonating an heir to the Shell Oil fortune (employing a spot-on Cary Grant impersonation). Meanwhile, Lemmon’s Daphne is romanced—with a disturbing degree of success—by an actual millionaire, played by Joe E. Brown. It all works out in the end, sort of—I won’t spoil the ending for those who haven’t seen it yet.

For the record, pretty much every modern (post-Shakespeare) gender-bender comedy—from Victor/ Victoria (which is based on an early German film) to TV’s Bosom Buddies to Big Momma’s House—traces its origin to Charley’s Aunt, an 1892 British farce by Brandon Thomas, which has been adapted for the screen no less than 13 times and remains a staple of repertory theater.

3. Out of Body Experiences

We’ve all had those odd moments when we don’t quite feel ourselves. But imagine finding yourself one fine morning transplanted into an entirely different body? That brings us to our third genre or fish-out-of-water comedies. The one we all grew up with was Freaky Friday, which features a petulant teenage daughter and her mom swapping bodies for 24 hours. Mary Rodgers’s award-winning 1972 children’s novel has been adapted and updated for stage, screen and TV five times—and has starred Jodie Foster & Barbara Harris (1976), Gaby Hoffman & Shelley Long (1995), and Lindsay Lohan & Jamie Lee Curtis (2003). One of the first—and best—was Goodbye Charlie (1964), the story of a Hollywood screenwriter and notorious lothario Charlie Sorrell. Charlie is murdered by the producer husband of one of his trysts…and comes back to life as “lotharia” Virginia Mason, played to the nines by Debbie Reynolds. Goodbye Charlie began as a Broadway play starring Lauren Bacall, in 1959. Switch, the 1991 Blake Edwards film starring Ellen Barkin, was essentially a remake.

One of the big hits of Spring 2019 was the out-of-body comedy Little, the story of a bullying executive who wakes up in her own 13-year-old body and must return to the school were she was originally bullied. As with Freaky Friday, a lot of the comic burden is shouldered by a young actor—in this case, Monai Martin, who is brilliant.Little also works because its title plays off the champion of out-of-body fish-out-of-water films, Big (1988), the Penny Marshall classic starring Tom Hanks. After a humiliating “too short to ride” experience at a traveling carnival, 13 year old Josh Baskin gets his wish to be “big” from a fortune telling machine, and wakes up as a 30 year old man, who must flee his own home after being mistaken by his mother as the kidnapper of her son. Josh’s childlike imagination and honesty brings him instant success, wealth and romance as a toy industry executive, but after a few weeks of grownup fun, he realizes that being big isn’t quite the picnic he thought it would be…and longs to be a kid again.

The movie’s iconic scene is Josh’s “chopsticks” duet with his boss (Robert Loggia) on the giant keyboard at FAO Schwarz. But perhaps the one that best depicts the essence of man-child humor is when Hanks shows up to an office party in a ridiculous rented tuxedo and gags on a “sophisticated” hors d’oeuvre. I detested caviar and quail eggs when I was 13, and still do. And no one’s going to make me eat them ever again because I’m big now.

4. City Mouse, Country Mouse

The reversal of fortune, whether positive, negative or a mixed bag of both, is a time-honored device for putting characters in places they are ill-equipped to navigate. When those characters move from the city to the country, or vice-versa, we find that their strengths become weaknesses, their weaknesses become strengths and, of course, comedy ensues. One of the biggest hits on Netflix right now, in fact, is the Canadian sitcom Schitt’s Creek, which relocates ruined video-store tycoon Johnny Rose (Eugene Levy) and his formerly jet-setting family to the last piece of real estate he owns: a no-tell motel in a backwater town of the same name. Newhart (1982–90) found famed how-to author Dick Louden (Bob Newhart) running a moreupscale establishment in a picturesque Vermont town, but dealing with an even loopier cast of characters.

Although countless film comedies have featured reversals of fortune—Trading Places (1983) being perhaps the most successful—television, it turns out, is an especially welcoming medium for this fish-out-of-water genre, seeing as it allows for the quirkiness factor to develop over many seasons. One of the first shows to really get it right was Green Acres (1965–71), in the mid-60s. One day, attorney Oliver Wendell Douglas (Eddie Albert) looks out from his Manhattan penthouse, declares to his glamorous and eccentric wife Lisa (Eva Gabor) “I hate it!” and drags her unwillingly to a farm in Hooterville. There he is plagued by a parade of unforgettable idiots, including conniving junkman Mr. Haney, the childless Ziffels (who have raised their pig Arnold as a child), farming expert Hank Kimball (who can never finish a thought), and the brother-sister home renovation team of Alf and Ralph (who can never finish a home renovation). The underlying gag in the series is that everyone in Hooterville thinks Oliver is a dope—something he can never quite wrap his mind around.

Green Acres was the brainchild of CBS producer Paul Henning, who simply flipped the script of his earlier hit, The Beverly Hillbillies (1962–71). After Jed Clampett (Buddy Ebsen) accidentally strikes oil on his dirt patch in the Ozarks, he moves his family to California’s most exclusive address, a neighborhood of “swimming pools and movie stars.” They live next door to the Drysdales, an obsequious banker who will do anything to prevent the Clampetts from moving their deposit to a competitor, and his wife, who detests them. Though utterly lacking in guile and sophistication, Jed, Granny, Ellie Mae and Jethro end up outsmarting, outlasting or repulsing the endless stream of con-men and -women who arrive at their mansion hoping to separate them from their millions. Jethro (Max Baer Jr.) and Granny (Irene Ryan) do most of the comic heavy lifting in a series that was the #1 show on television twice and in the Top 20 eight years out of nine.

5. You’re Not From Around Here

Imagine how much fun you’d have if you could shed the constrictions of time, space and the laws of physics. That kind of thinking produced classics classic tales such as Gulliver’s Travels, Alice in Wonderland, The Wizard of Oz and Rip Van Winkle. It has also engendered some of the funniest films and television series in history. Too many even to mention, in fact. From this idea came the inspiration for the hit sitcoms My Favorite Martian (1963–66), starring Ray Walston and Bill Bixby, and Mork & Mindy (1978–82), starring Robin Williams and Pam Dawber—as well as the Conehead family (Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin), who debuted in a 1977 SNL sketch. I should probably add to this list the 2000 Star Trek send-up, Galaxy Quest, where a group of hammy human actors find themselves beamed onto a real alien spaceship. The rule of thumb in each case was that casting, not costuming, is crucial to pull off a fish-out-of-water comedy about extraterrestrials.

That certainly accounts for the success of the NBC series 3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001), which starred John Lithgow, Kristen Johnston, French Stewart, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They play a quartet of aliens living in a Cleveland suburb, tasked with observing the inhabitants of an insignificant planet called Earth. Not quite comfortable in their human skins and never blending in as well as they think, the characters rarely miss an opportunity to hold a slightly cracked mirror up to American culture. Actually, it was Gore Vidal who broke important comic ground in this category with Visit to a Small Planet, first written in 1956 for television, reworked as a Broadway show in 1958, and then as a 1960 feature film starring Jerry Lewis—worth watching just for the scene in the beatnik night club with Buddy Rich.

In addition to the extraterrestrials there are the “supernaturals,” whose extraordinary powers make them a tricky fit for civilized society. Among the funniest of these fish out of water comedies was Hancock (2008), the story of a destructive, alcoholic superhero played by Will Smith who needs a PR flack to burnish his image. The original comic supernaturals, of course, were America’s 1960s sweethearts, Elizabeth Montgomery and Barbara Eden, who played more familiar mythological characters: a witch and a genie.

Bewitched (1964–1972) and I Dream of Jeannie (1965–70) featured pretty much identical plots. A beautiful blonde witch meets and marries a mere mortal advertising executive and a beautiful blonde genie is found by a NASA astronaut whose capsule splashes down near a desert island. Ignoring the fantasies of virtually every mid-century male television viewer, both men feebly lay down the same ground rule…no hocus-pocus.

The similarities did not end there. Both shows used every state-of-the-art technical trick to push the envelope on the time-honored rules of visual comedy: Make something larger or smaller than it normally is, make something do what it normally doesn’t, put something where it normally isn’t. The genius of these shows is that Samantha Stephens and Jeannie were essentially the straight men, while Darren Stephens (especially the first one, Dick York) and Tony Nelson barely kept it together executing the big physical comedy. And then there were the supporting characters, some of whom were in on the joke and others who weren’t. You had to feel for poor Gladys Kravitz, who kept seeing inexplicable things next door, and whose husband Abner thinks that she’s been swallowing too much mouthwash. Or poor Dr. Bellows, the NASA psychiatrist, who is made to doubt his own sanity so often that he almost takes it in stride: “Major Nelson…it’s snowing. On your house. Only on your house. In Cocoa Beach. In the middle of July.”

Often at this point in a feature story, the writer begins a paragraph with “In conclusion…” I don’t think one can when discussing this topic. First of all, I could write an entire book (or shoot a two-hour documentary) about fish-out-of-water comedies and still barely scratch the surface. Second, and perhaps more important, doesn’t all comedy originate in one way or another from this construct? Think about the book or film or TV show or play that never fails to make you laugh…my guess is that the humor originates from a character finding himself or herself in an uncomfortable or unfamiliar place. A good writer knows when to stick to the basics—and how to grab an audience and activate its funny bone.

I’m more than a bit biased by my personal affection for fish-out-of-water humor, but to me, its sheer immensity demands an entire book or a two-hour documentary to be covered adequately. Here, after 2,500-plus words, I’ve just scratched the surface. Perhaps it’s best to end by asking What have we learned today? Something that I discovered researching and writing this article is that virtually all comedy originates, in one way or another, from a fish-out-of-water situation—dating back to ancient Greece.

Think about the book, film, TV show or play that never fails to make you laugh…my guess is that the humor originates from a character finding himself or herself in an uncomfortable or unfamiliar place and, against all odds, emerges both triumphant and a better person for the experience. Pakistani-American comedian and actor Kumail Nanjiani, a fish out of water himself, might have said it best when he observed that “being a fish out of water is tough…but that’s how you evolve.”

Extemporals

Transport wacky characters through time and you may strike fish-out-of-water gold. In Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989), the fate of the future world hinges on the ability of two bone-headed Southern California teenagers—played by Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves—to complete a show-and-tell project for their World History class. With the help of George Carlin and a time-traveling telephone booth, they fetch Beethoven, Napoleon, Billy the Kid, Joan of Arc, Sigmund Freud, Abraham Lincoln and Socrates for a grand spectacle in the school auditorium.

Lost in America

Fish-out-of-water comedy works particularly well when characters find themselves out of their element, yet still close to home. In Lost In America (1985), Albert Brooks and Julie Hagerty play David and Linda, successful Los Angeles yuppies who respond to a sudden professional setback with a bold stroke of dementia: they cash out of their house and hit the road in a Winnebago to find themselves “like in Easy Rider.” Who could have predicted that, at a stop in Las Vegas, she turns out to be a degenerate gambler who loses their entire nest egg at the roulette wheel? Lost In America does a superb job of holding a mirror up to American society from top to bottom, as David and Linda suffer the endless indignities of a minimum-wage existence.

Out of Africa

Unless you are a Native American, chances are good that you are descended from someone who was the ultimate fish out of water: a stranger to North America. The actual U.S. immigrant story is not inherently funny (especially not these days)…unless of course, you decide to mine it for humor. Think about Crocodile Dundee or Moscow On the Hudson or Borat. The humor doesn’t come so much from the awkward struggles of the newcomer as it does from the Americans who are trying to make them feel welcome (or unwelcome). Perhaps the best example is Coming to America (1988). Eddie Murphy stars as Akeem, an over-pampered African prince who leaves his homeland of Zamuda and arrives in outer-borough New York, where he and his best friend Semmi (Aresneio Hall) must rough it while Akeem searches for a suitable wife. “What better place to find a queen than the city of Queens?” The logic turns out to be unassailable.

 

 

Want to make a realtor’s heart pound? Just add water.

By Christine Gibbs

Location. Location. Location. To the water lover in search of the perfect first home, next home, or vacation home, an ideal location must be close to the edge, so to speak—whether it be ocean, lake, river, bay, stream or even pond. The mere mention of waterfront or water view in a property description elevates a  home to an entirely different category. Who among us hasn’t clicked on one of these idyllic listings, if only for fun or inspiration?

Samuel Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner would find himself right at home in New Jersey, a state surrounded on three sides by rivers, bays and ocean, overflowing with water-friendly opportunities. The Jersey Shore is the headliner, with 141 miles of valuable land on or overlooking the Atlantic, stretching from Perth Amboy in the north to Cape May Point in the south—and including Middlesex, Monmouth, Ocean, Atlantic, and Cape May counties. The lake country of northern New Jersey competes as the “other” Jersey Shore, with a total of 400 significant bodies of water, or 1,700 if you include small ponds and reservoirs. One estimate by The New Jersey Leisure Guide claims 4,100 freshwater lakes, ponds, impoundments and reservoirs covering about 61,000 land acres, most of which are privately owned or controlled.

As for rivers, approximately 240 run through our state, with a dozen or so considered to be notable. With few exceptions, the surrounding real estate carries a significant premium.

What is it about water that makes it a primal attraction? There are some hypotheses that, because mankind has evolved from sea creatures that managed to crawl from the ocean millennia before our bipedal ancestors inherited the earth, we yearn to return to our liquid roots. By whatever means our forerunners managed to evolve from swimming to crawling to walking, the human connection to water is undeniably strong. About 70% of our body at birth is water and so is 70% of the earth’s surface. Our search for water is not just earthbound; we have been looking for decades into the far reaches of the universe with the understanding that, if we find water we have a good chance of finding life. Little wonder then that so many of us seek to make our homes close to water, whether our reason is biological or spiritual or both.

It Comes With a Price

Whether you’re a surfer dude, a river rat, a lake girl, or just someone who feels renewed by the sight and sound of water, there is a home for you in New Jersey. Indeed, according to a recent Zillow online report, there are over 2,900 waterfront homes for sale in the Garden State. But check your pocketbook first. Prices range from almost $10 million for an opulent 17,000 square foot home in Rumson to less than $200,000 for a modest ranch in Forked River.

Once you have decided on a water-adjacent future, paying attention to certain details is critical to ensure that you make a prudent choice. The typical water lover is also a sun worshipper (in other words, a friend to fair weather), so think about the north/south orientation of the house and its outdoor living space. A southern exposure gets sun for the better part of each day, which makes it attractive to not only a water lover, but also a solar heating advocate. The cooler filtered light of a north-facing home, on the other hand, might appeal more as a refuge from the sultry New Jersey summers. Next item to consider is the home’s east/west orientation. If you are an early riser, you might prefer an eastern exposure. Imagine sitting on your deck cradling your favorite breakfast beverage while watching a dazzling ocean sunrise. On the other hand, if you would rather be stirring some drinks on the deck at dusk, then facing west might be the perfect way to end your day with a spectacular sunset.

Life by the water does demand other more serious due diligence. One item of concern for a prospective buyer involves the riparian rights that are attached to any property adjacent to a body of water. Traditionally, riparian rights are the deeded rights and privileges of the landowner to make reasonable use of the water feature “as it flows through or over the property”— including access for swimming, boating, fishing and construction of docks, piers and boat lifts. The operative word is deeded, in that it demands a close read of property documents, especially for older, more historic sites. Importantly, title companies do not insure water rights. In fact, riparian rights are often so vaguely recorded in deeds and other public records, if at all, that the services of an attorney who specializes in such matters may be warranted.

The final and perhaps most obvious consideration when contemplating the joy of waterfront living is a realistic assessment of the area’s storm history and worst-case potential. No fewer than 114 major storms have slammed into various parts of New Jersey, including Hurricane Donna (1960), Tropical Storm Floyd (1999), and Tropical Storms Irene (2011) and Sandy (2012)— as well as myriad lesser nor’easters and cyclones. Thankfully, New Jersey has never been ravaged by a Tsunami, but don’t tell that to the Sandy survivors who had a wall of water wash through their homes, or wash their homes entirely away. They are still recovering financially from (and stormproofing defensively against) a possible future disaster. And for the record, storm devastation is hardly limited to ocean frontage; the dreaded storm surge where high winds force tidal water to swell inlets. Estuaries and other bottlenecks have brought extensive and often unexpected flood damage in its wake.

A Fluid Market

The total estimated value of waterfront homes in the United States in June 2018 was $134 billion. Interestingly and somewhat surprisingly, according to a Forbes article published at that time, waterfront sales in the U.S. market ”aren’t what they used to be.” The story cited the fact that the sale-price premium is now 36% (over a similar, non-waterfront home) as opposed to the 54% premium estimated six years earlier, in 2012. That’s still a nice bump, but also a decline.

What might account for this? Zillow cites superstorms, climate change, and changing taste since the housing crash that began in 2007. Needless to say, everyone has an informed opinion and, needless to say, they don’t all line up very well. For instance, in his book High Tide on Main Street: Rising Sea Level and the Coming Coastal Crisis, oceanographer John Englander maintains that “Property values will go underwater long before property actually goes underwater.” Trulia paints a more positive picture, citing statistics such as median waterfront home sales in New Jersey increasing 30% over the past year, with the price per square foot rising from $794 to $858.

A realistic appraisal of the waterfront market in New Jersey would not be complete without some input from experienced New Jersey property experts. Dori Morgan, a Realtor Sales Associate with the Weichert Agency in Sparta—whose own home is a private lakefront residence on Lake Mohawk—is very bullish on the almost totally lakefront market in her part of the world. In fact, she estimates that a listing with lake frontage can command up to double the price of any comparable, whereas lake views can add $20,000 to $100,000 to the listed price. With around 20 lake communities in Sussex County alone, Morgan claims, “There is a lake waiting for anyone on any budget looking for a relaxed lifestyle.” Her prognosis for the near-term market is positive based on a recent surge in lakefront sales. Like the true lake girl she is, she points out that “living here is like living inside a snow globe…with a lake and mountain vista that changes with every season.”

Further south on the Jersey Shore, Stephen Smith is also a waterfront homeowner, in Sea Bright, and an agent in the highly successful Gloria Nilson Rumson office. Monmouth County is true waterfront country in that it boasts valuable real estate all along the Jersey Shore, as well as alongside historic rivers such as the Shrewsbury and Navesink, which form the Rumson peninsula. Smith estimates that waterfront properties in general average approximately 40% higher in value. He is impressed with the degree of risk tolerance that has evolved post-Sandy, which he attributes to the well- designed and  -engineered plans and codes that have guided the teardown, rebuild and elevation projects that have helped to restore the waterfront.

New construction today is viewed as more desirable than the once venerable Shore cottages, and high-rise condominiums have become a booming market niche, especially those with ocean  views and access. The rewards of his chosen profession stem from the emotional satisfaction he derives from “matching my client’s dreams with the perfect home in the perfect spot—waterfront or otherwise.”

On a personal note, decades ago I happened to have lived next door to the mega-mansion mentioned earlier in this story—in what was, at the time, the charming circa 1900 caretaker’s cottage. My home was situated on a bluff fronting the Shrewsbury River across from Sea Bright with an unobstructed view of the Atlantic. It seemed to be the best of both worlds: river frontage plus ocean vista. I miss it still when I’m feeling nostalgic or water-deprived. Except when a hurricane or nor’easter is rolling in. My advice is pay attention to the “water” part of waterfront and never underestimate the forces of nature.

Despite storms and surges—and financial drawbacks such as higher real estate taxes, higher insurance premiums, and higher maintenance expenses—the lure of living close to water will always command a premium. We turned what I thought was a handsome profit when we sold our house; today I don’t even want to think about what it would cost!

Whether you hunger after a beachfront bungalow, a riverside lodge, or a lakeshore retreat; whether you are looking for waterfront or water view; whether you prefer rustic or refined; whether you prefer a condo to a cottage; whether you like boating more than swimming, jetskiing more than parasailing, ice skating more than ice boating, or idleness more than exercise…something out there has your name on it—including the 11 waterside developments in New Jersey that specialize in custom new-build models that check all your waterfront boxes.

If you have been waiting for what seems like forever for your waterside dream to come true, maybe the time is right to take a deep breath and make the plunge. If not, remember you can always test-drive waterfront living in a rental. Just make sure to start checking the listings way before the season starts. You’ll have some competition.

Wind and Water

The goal of Feng Shui is to harmonize people with their surroundings. Translated into English, Feng Shui actually means wind-water, so it comes as no surprise that its fundamental principles dictate that living near a water feature can affect a homeowner’s emotional well being. Ideally, the front door should face the water to assure the proper flow of energy. Locating near smaller, more manageable bodies of water is recommended, whereas a site too close to a powerful water source (like the ocean) can result in feelings of being overwhelmed or drowning. Feng

Shui associates even the smallest water element with wealth and money. So if you’re suffering from sticker shock at the average waterfront markup, you might want to consider adding a simple water feature to your current residence, even one as tiny as a garden fountain.

The Water’s Fine

According to real estate specialists  Collateral Analytics, making a checklist is helpful in comparing one waterfront property to another. The more boxes you check, the better.

•   Unspoiled view
•   Water depth (for swimming or boating activities)
•   Water quality and purity
•   Audible features (such as the sound of breaking waves or a rushing stream)
•   Type of water body (lake, ocean, river, pond, etc.)
•   Fishing quality and access
•   Average seasonal water and air temperatures

 

My long road back to Capoeira.

By Chelsea Gould

Nearly 15 years have passed since my first encounter with Capoeira. I was taking a walk on the beach in Siesta Key on one of those gentle, lazy days on the Gulf Coast of Florida. My attention was drawn to a group of men and women, dressed in white, gathered at the water’s edge. There was singing and clapping and music and shouts of joyous encouragement. They had formed a circle around two women who looked as if they were dancing or sparring, or possibly something in between. They moved with incredible grace—jumping, spinning, kicking, cartwheeling in the sand.

This was clearly a martial art, I remember thinking, but with a definite emphasis on art.

The participants ranged widely in age and body type. I had no idea what I was watching but I wanted to get involved. I worked out who the leader was, began asking questions and, a week later, I walked into a nearby studio and attended my first Capoeira class.

I am a former dancer. I am graceful and athletic and adventurous. Alas as luck (and genetics) would have it, I did not keep my dancer’s body past my 20s. I had tried yoga and aerobics classes to stay in shape, but they weren’t a good fit. I could sense the other women judging me. I felt excluded. The space felt unkind. My first Capoeira class was an inclusive experience: The group was genuine and warm and welcoming. They walked me through some of the basic steps and were gentle and supportive the first time I entered the roda (circle) to “play” a classmate. Capoeira was part dance, part game—they actually call the confrontations “games.” I kept coming back and learning and playing and feeling more and more comfortable in my own skin. And I began to notice small changes in how my clothes fit.

Life throws you curve balls. Just as I was finding my groove on the laid-back west coast of Florida, I had to relocate to New Jersey. I went through some career changes, health issues and personal stuff (etc., etc.) and never pursued Capoeira after coming north. Besides, I was in the land of cross-fit now—the thumping, screaming, grunting, snorting, sweating, tire-chucking craze that transforms Garden State housewives into stronger (and often scarier) version of themselves.

When in Rome, right? So yes, I went all-in and, you know what? Cross-fit was good for me. I shed 80 pounds in two years and could probably have handled myself in a bar fight. It was maybe a little too competitive for my personality, but I certainly couldn’t argue with the results. Cross-fitting gave me an outlet for my frustration and pushed me beyond my comfort zone. I enjoyed working out in a group and cheering everyone on.

In 2012, I was living with family near the ocean about 18 inches above sea level when Hurricane Sandy pushed six feet of water through our house. We scattered and coped as best we could, relocating thousands of miles apart. My life, which was never particularly predictable (thanks to a bipolar condition) was turned completely inside-out. I bounced around and actually spent more than a year in a halfway house situation. It was imperfect at its best and nightmarish at its worst. And you can probably guess what happened: In the years that followed, those 80 pounds returned, and then some. Five-foot-five and 185 pounds had been far from ideal, but it was doable. I was now 5’5” and 275.

And then one day I rediscovered Capoeira.

It was a Facebook pop-up, an ad for a women’s roda. I don’t know why but in my post-Sandy haze I had forgotten how much I loved Capaoeira and how good it had been for my body and soul. I enrolled in a local class and re-experienced that amazing, welcoming environment. I still had the muscle memory from my Florida days and felt comfortable relearning the steps. I had been too embarrassed about my weight to join an exercise class, but in Capoeira class we worked out ways to kick and dodge and move my large body without injuring myself. I stopped worrying about whatan athlete should look like. When I got winded I took a break and learned the instruments and songs the group played. I was home again. Why did I ever leave?

According to Kasey Sanders (above), who has taught Capoeira in New Jersey for nearly a decade, its appeal is tied to its status as a non-violent martial art. “It allows the players to work out their aggression, but in a fully expressive way. People come to Capoeira to experience its many flavors—it’s partially that it’s a martial art, but also that it encompasses dance, music, health and wellness, and also community building.”

Those who view Capoeira as a New Age workout trend get the vibe, but they shouldn’t gloss over the history. As a martial art it goes back to 16th century Brazil, when slaves had to camouflage their fighting practice to look like dance. Its rhythmic roots, meanwhile, stretch back even further, to ancient times. Fast forward to the present, where suddenly Capoeira is ubiquitous, having gained great momentum internationally in the past 30 years. It is now the fighting style of choice for movie superheroes from Black Panther to Daredevil to Spider-Man. You’ve seen it perhaps without even knowing it.

I won’t be appearing in a Marvel blockbuster anytime soon, so my interest in Capoeira is more about its less heroic benefits. The movement style engages your core, as all the abdominals are firing during a workout. The most basic step in Capoeira is ginga (sway in Portuguese). It’s an escape move from which most of the other steps flow. It’ll be the first thing you learn. It activates the quads, calves and glutes. The biceps, traps and delts are fired up by the overhead movements, such as headstands, handstands and cartwheels. Ginga alsoimpacts your balance by controlling how your weight shifts back and forth. Capoeira promotes strength, stamina, coordination and fitness with every movement sequence. And it offers a superior level of cardio, burning approximately 700 calories per one-hour class.

That is not to say you’ll want to fast-track your way to the most strenuous stuff. According to Jim Dunleavy, PT, DPT, MS, Doctor of Physical Therapy and Director of Rehabilitation Services at Trinitas, like all types of movement activities, a person needs to first find out what his or her body will safely do.

“As we age, our joints and muscle get less flexible,” he warns. “We also lose a small percent of our muscle tissue each year due to the aging process. Anyone who wants to try a martial art such as Capoeira should check with their doctor and get a functional examination from a physical therapist to ensure that it would be safe to engage in such an activity.”

As you push yourself beyond traditional movements, with time, you can feel your confidence grow as your skill level improves. The roda is part martial arts arena and part circular support system, creating positive community with your classmates as you demonstrate progress in your skills and learn from your fellow capoeiristas.

For me, Capoeira also helped reduce stress. It is a unique workout. The euphoria I’ve felt after class is indescribable. The added bonus is that I enjoy the artistic and cultural components of Capoeira almost as much as the physical ones. You are immersing yourself in an intriguing part of Brazilian music and history in a joyous, playful way that teaches self-defense skills and yet, at the same time, promotes unity and non-violence. Not always easy to understand as an outsider, but what’s not to like, right?

I should mention that newbies are not expected to pull off Black Panther moves on the first day of class. It takes a while before the handstands and cartwheels come. If you are a natural athlete or have dance training, that can speed the process along. Either way, you will feel the physical and spiritual benefits after your first couple of classes. Even skeptics admit there is something different about getting into Capoeira. And they are correct. It’s not just about the cool fighting moves. A true capoeirista is someone who embraces the culture, learns the songs and ultimately can play all the instruments.

Looking back, it makes cross-fit seem practically barbaric.

Make Your Move

As you gain experience and proficiency in Capoeira, your style will be your own. It will reflect your unique personality in ways no other martial arts can. A year or so after you start, you will be good enough to earn your first belt grade, or corda. It can take a decade or more to attain mestre (master) status, but capoeiristas are qualified to teach before reaching that level, usually after seven years or so of training and study. If you are thinking about joining a class, ask about the level of training the teacher has.

New Jersey played a major role in the evolution of the car industry.

By Mark Stewart

Between 1900 and 1950, more than four dozen makes of automobiles were produced in New Jersey. During that time, the industry underwent enormous changes and car manufacturing in the Garden State changed with it. At the height of the automotive boom, car companies employed more than 15,000 people in the state. They assembled vehicles and made many of their components. Those vehicles literally went all over the world.

Depending on how you define “automobile,” the beginning of New Jersey’s history in car manufacturing could date all the way back to 1868. In that year, Oberlin Smith (right) of the Ferracute Machine Company in Bridgeton unveiled a steam-driven horseless carriage. More than 100 curious Bridgetonites gathered to watch Smith demonstrate his new machine. Unfortunately, the control lever came off in his hand and the vehicle careened all over Main Street, scattering the crowd. Smith built another horseless carriage six years later. This time it crashed into a pond.

The Garden State got back into the automotive race three decades later. Thomas Edison’s work in the area of power storage in the 1890s resulted in a car battery that could run a buggy 100 miles. Edison (above right, with Henry Ford) entered into negotiations with Studebaker to co-produce cars in 1902, but the deal fell through and the company began marketing gas-powered vehicles instead. Edison started his own company in Newark to make electric delivery wagons (aka trucks), but production was sporadic because it was reliant on the number of finished batteries that could be delivered from his West Orange lab, and that proved difficult to forecast. Edison sold the company in 1911 having turned out 1,750 vehicles.

Edison’s greatest contribution to automotive history may actually have been a conversation he had with a struggling young carmaker in Detroit. Recognizing the inherent limitations of battery-powered automobiles, Edison encouraged Henry Ford to keep working on his gas-powered, four-cylinder engine. Ford later recalled that, “No man up to that time had ever given me any encouragement.”

New Jersey’s dual status as a deep-water shipping port and the eastern terminus for the railroads made it a natural place for car manufacturing. Its lenient corporate tax structure in the early 1900s only added to its appeal. In the first decade of the 20th century, New Jersey saw a number of carmakers come and go, including Prescott Auto in Passaic, Walter Automobile in Trenton, Standard Motor in Bayonne, Vandewater & Co. in Elizabeth and Canda in Carteret. Motorcars were way out of reach of most Americans during this era, so these start-ups were fighting over shares in a very narrow market. A few carmakers did manage to survive by targeting the ultra high-end market: Mercer in Trenton, Crane in Bayonne and Simplex in New Brunswick. Mercers (named after their home, Mercer County) were on the road well into the 1920s, but all three companies eventually went under.

For a time, the high-end Duesenberg was built in a state-of-the-art facility in Elizabeth. The plant, which employed more than 1,000 workers, made the first car with a Chrysler nameplate and later produced Durants. Unfortunately the company was out of business by the end of the 1920s.

The ’20s did see a significant increase in car ownership among Americans. The economy was booming and efficiencies in production had lowered the pricing on many models, most famously Ford’s Model T. Model T’s were produced in great numbers in Ford’s two-story Kearny plant, which opened near the end of World War I and employed upwards of 8,000 workers. They churned out hundreds of cars daily. Kearny was strictly an assembly plant; nothing was “made” there. Components made elsewhere (mostly the Midwest) were shipped to New Jersey, where workers got them rolling off the line and onto trains and delivery barges. Automotive assembly, in fact, is where the Garden State ultimately made its greatest mark in the American car story.

The ubiquitous Model T was assembled in Kearny until the late-1920s, when the Model A (right) came online. Ford sold Kearny to Western Electric and opened a 35-acre plant in Edgewater (below), designed by Albert Kahn. It was famous as the first building in the U.S. to use structural “mushroom” columns. At its height, the 1,500-foot Edgewater assembly line could roll a finished Model A onto a transport barge at the end of the pier in 48 minutes, start to finish. In 1932, the Model B went into production, followed by the Ford Coupe in 1936, and the Deluxe Coupe Convertible and Ford Mercury in 1938. During World War II, the Edgewater plant was switched over to military production and contributed more than 100,000 Jeeps and light trucks to the war effort—many of which were delivered to the Soviet Army in 1943 and 1944.

During the 1940s and early 1950s, the Edgewater plant was the area’s largest employer, providing thousands of jobs. In 1955, the factory was sold and production moved north, to a plant in Mahwah. Mahwah operated until 1980 and was the largest auto plant in the country in the mid-1950s. At that time, Ford also had a plant in Metuchen, which made Lincoln and Mercury models. The plant later built some of the company’s most popular vehicles, including Mustangs and Rangers. The infamous Pinto was made in Metuchen, too.

General Motors, which incorporated in New Jersey in 1908, did not become a major player in the Garden State until the 1920s. The company owned a large tract of land in Bloomfield, which it used to stage overseas deliveries of its cars. However, GM did not build its first assembly plant in New Jersey until 1937, when it opened an enormous factory in Linden that produced Buicks, Oldsmobiles and Pontiacs. One year later, GM opened a plant in Ewing Township, just north of Trenton, which made parts for the Linden plant. Among New Jersey’s many “famous firsts” is the debut of an industrial robot in North America. That happened in 1961 at the GM plant in Ewing.

During World War II, the Ewing factory was switched over to the production of torpedo bombers. Linden, which was located next to a commercial airport, also contributed to the war effort, turning out fighter planes for the military, including the legendary Wildcat (left). Linden made cars until 2005, focusing on SUVs beginning in the 1990s.

Today, the automotive industry is alive and well in New Jersey, but cars are no longer made here. We are voracious consumers—a close second to California in terms of vehicles per capita. There are approximately four million cars registered in the state along with another two-and-a-half million other vehicles, mostly commercial. There are slightly more than seven million New Jersey residents of driving age, making our average a shade under one vehicle per driver.

1889

Decades before the big auto plant opened in Elizabeth, the city laid claim to a couple of important developments in automotive technology. In 1889, J.F. and T.E. Connolly built a gas-powered engine to run streetcars. It didn’t occur to them to attach it to a buggy; six years later, the Duryea brothers of Springfield, MA made this leap and opened the first automobile company in America. Also in 1889, the Riker Electric Vehicle Company was founded in Elizabeth by Andrew Riker, who had been tinkering with electrically powered vehicles since 1884. Rikers won several important road and track races in the 1890s, before the company was sold in 1901.

As humankind probes the universe wondering, Are we alone? we seek out water…for water means life. No less meaningful is how we regard water on our own planet. Although we don’t always take care of it the way we should, we understand its profound importance. Perhaps that is why we have so much to say about it…

 

A drop of water, if it could write out its own history, would explain the universe to us.

—Lucy Larcom, Educator

 

Thousands have lived without love. Not one without water.

—W.H. Auden, Poet

 

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

—W.C. Fields, Comedian

 

All water has a perfect memory and is trying to get back to where it was.

—Toni Morrison, Author

 

Water is fluid, soft and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield.

—Lau Tzu, Philosopher

 

Life in us is like the water in a river.

—Henry David Thoreau, Philosopher

 

Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean.

—Ryunosuke Satoro, Author

 

No water, no life. No blue, no green.

—Sylvia Earle, Oceanographer

 

EDGE takes you inside the area’s most creative kitchens.

The Thirsty Turtle • Pork Tenderloin Special

1-7 South Avenue W. • CRANFORD (908) 324-4140 • thirstyturtle.com

Our food specials amaze! I work tirelessly to bring you the best weekly meat, fish and pasta specials. Follow us on social media to get all of the most current updates!

— Chef Rich Crisonio

 

The Thirsty Turtle • Brownie Sundae

186 Columbia Turnpike • FLORHAM PARK (973) 845-6300 • thirstyturtle.com

Check out our awesome desserts brought to you by our committed staff. The variety amazes as does the taste!

— Chef Dennis Peralta

 

The Famished Frog • Mango Guac

18 Washington Street • MORRISTOWN (973) 540-9601 • famishedfrog.com

Our refreshing Mango Guac is sure to bring the taste of the Southwest to Morristown.

— Chef Ken Raymond

 

Arirang Hibachi Steakhouse • Sushi Tacos

1230 Route 22 West • MOUNTAINSIDE (908) 518-9733 • partyonthegrill.com

Crispy wonton taco shells—featuring your choice of tuna, salmon, shrimp or crab—with rice, cucumber, red onions, avocado, cilantro and lime juice, topped with spicy mayo.

 

Daimatsu • Sushi Pizza

860 Mountain Avenue • MOUNTAINSIDE (908) 233-7888 • daimatsusushibar.com

This original dish has been our signature appetizer for over 20 years. Crispy seasoned sushi rice topped with homemade spicy mayo, marinated tuna, finely chopped onion, scallion, masago caviar, and ginger. Our customers always come back wanting more.

— Chef Momo

 

Luciano’s Ristorante & Lounge • Pan Seared Scallops

1579 Main Street • RAHWAY (732) 815-1200 • lucianosristorante.com

Pan-seared scallops over butternut squash risotto and wilted spinach, finished with a brown butter emulsion. This is one of the signature dishes featured on our menu since we opened 10 years ago.

— Joseph Mastrella, Executive Chef/Partner

 

Garden Grille • Beet & Goat Cheese Salad

304 Route 22 West • SPRINGFIELD (973) 232-5300 • hgispringfield.hgi.com

Beet and goat cheese salad with mandarin oranges, golden beets, spiced walnuts, arugula, with a red wine vinaigrette.

— Chef Sean Cznadel

 

LongHorn Steakhouse • Outlaw Ribeye

272 Route 22 West • SPRINGFIELD (973) 315-2049 • longhornsteakhouse.com

LongHorn Steakhouse of Springfield is celebrating its One Year Anniversary. Come celebrate with us! Join us for Lunch or Dinner. We suggest you try our fresh, never frozen, 18 oz. bone-in Outlaw Ribeye – featuring juicy marbling that is perfectly seasoned and fire-grilled by our expert Grill Masters.

— Anthony Levy, Managing Partner

 

Outback Steakhouse • Bone-In Natural Cut Ribeye

901 Mountain Avenue • SPRINGFIELD (973) 467-9095 • outback.com

This is the entire staff’s favorite, guests rave about. Bone-in and extra marbled for maximum tenderness, juicy and savory. Seasoned and wood-fired grilled over oak.

— Duff Regan, Managing Partner

 

Arirang Hibachi Steakhouse • Volcano Roll

23A Nelson Avenue • STATEN ISLAND, NY (718) 966-9600 • partyonthegrill.com

Hot-out-of-the-oven, crab, avocado and cream cheese rolled up and topped with a mild spicy scallop salad.

 

Ursino Steakhouse & Tavern • House Carved 16oz New York Strip Steak

1075 Morris Avenue • UNION (908) 977-9699 • ursinosteakhouse.com

Be it a sizzling filet in the steakhouse or our signature burger in the tavern upstairs, Ursino is sure to please the most selective palates. Our carefully composed menus feature fresh, seasonal ingredients and reflect the passion we put into each and every meal we serve.

Do you own a local restaurant and want to know how your BEST DISH could be featured in our Chef Recommends restaurant guide?

Call us at 908.994.5138

 

You have to be quick to capture celebrities in the wild. Montville’s Ron Galella knows a thing or two about that. He was a paparazzo long before you’d ever heard that word—and became more recognizable than many of the stars he shot during his spectacular 50-year career.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ron Galella’s work is in the collections of the Modern Museum of Art in New York and San Francisco, the Tate Modern in London and the Helmut Newton Foundation Museum of Photography in Berlin. Newsweek once called him a “paparazzo extraordinaire.” Debbie Harry, one of Galella’s favorite subjects, wrote to him that “any photographer that is fascinated with people, and then is able to catch them live, not in a studio set up, has a real gift.” He is sharing that gift in Shooting Stars, a collection of untold stories and rarely seen candid photos of entertainment and society icons. Sued by Jackie Onassis (another all-time favorite) and socked in the jaw by Marlon Brando, Galella has many a tale to tell—from his early life in the Bronx to his remarkable red carpet adventures.

Fish skin is making a splash in the battle against wounds.

By Jim Sawyer

Wound healing specialists are learning to appreciate fish skin as a useful tool in their medical practices as opposed to just a delicacy served in sushi restaurants. Two years ago dried fish skin was approved by the FDA for the first time as a wound care treatment, which isn’t so strange, considering pig-intestine and fetal cow skin compounds have also been approved for medical use.

Fish skin, however, is special because it’s high in Omega3 fatty acids, which offer natural anti-inflammatory properties. Since millions of years of evolution have made fish skin resistant to bacterial colonization, it functions as a natural matrix for human skin that requires little processing. Some fish species are better suited to this technology than others. Kerecis Ltd., an Icelandic supplier that has been producing fish skin for wound treatment since the early 2010s, uses Atlantic cod exclusively. Cod has also been the fish skin of choice at the Wound Center at Trinitas Regional Medical Center in Elizabeth for patients with venous and arterial wounds.

“It’s perfect for a deep wound that’s not level with the rest of the skin, for instance, a dog bite,” says Dr. Georgios Kotzias, DPM, AACFAS, who specializes in, among other things, foot/ankle surgery, minimally invasive surgery, sports medicine, diabetic wound care, and diabetic limb salvage at the Trinitas Wound Center. “The fish skin covers the wound and fills in any missing tissue to reduce soft tissue deficit, which allows your body to heal more naturally, and evens out the scar. The graft enables drainage, allowing for faster healing. Cod skin happens to be thicker and more resilient. It holds better and for a longer period of time.”

The need for skin substitutes may arise depending on the location and depth of a wound, the likelihood of infection, and the availability of a human donor (i.e. cadaver skin). Before it can be used, says Dr. Kotzias, “the cod skin is processed and dried, then sterilized and processed without damaging the growth factors. They soak it in saline and then secure it to the wound with a special dressing and adhesive tape that is perforated to allow the wound to properly drain.”

Not surprisingly, one of the first groups to field-test fish skin was the U.S. military. Medics used fish skin for initial treatment of battlefield injuries and burns before transferring soldiers to full-service hospitals.

In the United States, more than six million people are being treated for chronic wounds at any given time. Most are diabetics or suffer from vascular disease, but the number also includes a wide range of traumatic injuries and burns, as well as unexpected complications from routine procedures. The number of chronic wound patients is likely to grow as the population ages. Individuals who fall into this category face profound uncertainty: the five-year survival rate is a tick above 50 percent, as compared with breast cancer, which has seen its survival rate climb to more than 85 percent.

The more complicated the wound, the more effective the “fish solution” maybe, as it permits the ingrowth of fibroblasts (the most common cells of human tissue) and keratinocytes (the skin cells that produce keratin), which help to bind a patient’s own skin cells around persistent, chronic wounds. The hope is that the wider use of fish skin will bring the survival rates up, as the traditional graft options do not perform well in infected areas—in part because pigs and cows are biologically close to us and therefore susceptible to similar infections. We split off from fish on the evolutionary tree a half-billion years ago, which has obviously worked out well for us in innumerable ways.

For now, the wide use of fish skin in wound healing faces an upstream battle. Insurance companies are slow to embrace (and cover) costly, new procedures, while hospitals tend to be super-cautious about changes in areas where infections are being aggressively treated. That being said, the initial goal in wound treatment is to reduce inflammation; it is the first step in turning a chronic wound into a treatable injury. If fish skin continues to prove its worth in this regard, it may become a more common tool in the medical tackle box. 

 

Editor’s Note: Yolanda Navarra Fleming contributed to this article.

 

Is water insecurity a New Jersey problem?

By Mark Stewart

In Israel, water treatment facilities recycle household wastewater to meet nearly half of the country’s agricultural needs. In Australia, water is treated as a commodity, leading to a 50 percent drop in residential and business consumption. In Singapore, water flows to five million people through a combination of importation, wastewater recycling, desalinization and an ingenious system of rainwater collection. In the mid-2000s, the Bush family (more specifically the W. Bush family) purchased more than a quarter-million acres of land in Paraguay, atop one of the largest aquifers in the western hemisphere. A bungled 2014 cost-cutting decision in Flint, Michigan, exposed residents to catastrophically high levels of lead.

You’ve heard about Flint. What you may not have heard is that other cities in other states are facing issues with the quantity, quality and reliability of their water supply. The same is true in many rural areas. That’s because “water insecurity” is one of the least talked-about issues…until it impacts you.

How is water insecurity measured? It’s not, at least not officially. For now, common sense and logic must suffice; transparency and information are critical. For example, say you live in a state where one in five kitchen taps produces water that contains trace amounts of perfluorooctanoic acid (aka PFOA), a chemical linked to cancer and low birth rates—as well as accelerated or delayed puberty and a reduction in the effectiveness of vaccines. You might think, Hey, my water is only 80 percent secure. Or Wow, my water is 20 percent insecure. Either way of measuring would be perfectly valid since, again, there is no accepted yardstick at the moment.

Would it surprise you to know that the aforementioned state is New Jersey and, according to a 2017 report issued by the Environmental Working Group, we had the highest prevalence of PFOA in our tap water of any state in the nation?

So, yeah, water insecurity does impact you—because you’re not sure if you are in the 20 percent or the 80 percent, are you? Either way, it kind of makes you wonder what else is trickling through your faucets.

No Doubt About Drought

When most of us hear the words water insecurity, we think about people living under life-threatening drought conditions. They seem very far away and so do their troubles. And to some extent they are, because we are unlikely to run out of drinkable water in our lifetimes, or even our grandchildren’s lifetimes. Thus it is only natural to believe that you are insulated from the misery of drought-stricken populations.

But those other parts of the world that are facing the very real prospect of running out, well, they are already affecting you. For instance, between 2006 and 2011, a vast region of the Middle East was hit with an historic drought. It killed off livestock and destroyed crops. Families abandoned their farms, local businesses failed and people flooded into already overcrowded cities—overwhelming infrastructure and creating social, political and religious unrest. That country was Syria, which was plunged into a full-blown civil war by 2012. That war, in turn, took more than 500,000 lives and triggered a mass migration that has altered the economic and political landscape of dozens of countries, including our own. Water scarcity did not “cause” the crisis in Syria, but it unquestionably served to ignite long-existing tensions within the country and the region. That, in turn, created complex, expensive challenges for the United States that you and your grandchildren will be paying for in one way or another for the foreseeable future.

Which other parts of the world are in real danger of lacking enough water for people to drink and grow food? According to a 2016 study, four billion people live in places where they experience serious water stress a month or more every year. When you see that number you tend to picture third-world villagers huddled in remote desert enclaves. But a surprising number of people in this category live like we do. In fact, 14 of the 20 world’s largest metropolitan areas (i.e. “megacities”) have experienced drought conditions or water scarcity in the past few years. More than a third are in Asia.

However, most are not. And some familiar and even picturesque cities have encountered unprecedented water crises. In the spring of 2018, the four million residents of the drought-stricken South African city of Cape Town were asked to stop flushing their toilets and to limit showers to once or twice a week. They had already been rationed down to 13 gallons per person per day—about one-eighth of the 100 gallons a day we New Jerseyans consume. Three years earlier, the city of Sao Paulo, Brazil simply turned off its water for 12 hours a day. If it hadn’t, it faced the prospect of a “Day Zero,” which is a frightening term for the moment people turn on the taps and nothing comes out.

Not-So-Funny Farms

For the record, humans technically need about four gallons a day to survive (drink, cook and clean). That’s less than three flushes of your low-flow toilet. If that makes you feel guilty about the 100 gallons you use every day, don’t. It’s important for each of us to be prudent about our water use, but those 100 gallons are a drop in the bucket. Residential water use accounts for maybe three or four percent of total consumption. Agriculture takes upwards of 70 percent, while use by industry and energy producers makes up the rest.

If guilt is your thing, however, you could cut down on California-produced almonds and pistachio nuts, which take a trillion gallons annually to grow—about 10 percent of the state’s agricultural water supply, according to the Pacific Institute, a global water “think tank.” Or take a pass on your next cheeseburger.

Growing crops like alfalfa to feed dairy cows and cattle consumes upwards of 2.5 trillion gallons of water a year in California’s agricultural heartland. The least water-intensive crops in the U.S. include sugar beets, beans, onions and garlic.

If you really want to feel bad about your impact on a region’s water supply, then it’s time to return to South Africa. A bottle of South African wine, by the industry’s own estimate, takes almost 200 gallons of water to produce. Some quick math suggests that the country’s wineries “export” over 400 billion liters of water annually. That is about three times as much as is required to satisfy the need of every South African who currently lacks easy access to water. Part of the country’s problem is its position on the map; the irrigation water that evaporates does not return to the land in the form of rain, as in most wine-growing regions. Instead it blows out into the ocean, where it stays.

Obviously, at some point, the human race will have to start prioritizing which crops are worth the water and which aren’t. That will almost certainly happen within our lifetimes. As the planet’s population expands, the demand for food will continue to slurp up the lion’s share of the global supply of fresh water.

Today there are more than 800 million people around the globe who do not have access to a clean water supply. The potential for extreme social and political unrest exists wherever these conditions do. On the bright side, that number is actually way down from where it was a generation ago. New technology and better education have cut the percentage of people consuming unsafe water by two-thirds. That is still far too many, but at the moment the statistics are headed in the right direction.

Some of the more high-profile work in this area has been done by charities attached to worldwide celebrities. Perhaps the most notable is Water.org, which was co-founded by actor Matt Damon in the early 1990s. Water.org has focused on promoting market-driven solutions to clean water and sanitation, which is a fancy way of saying that Damon et al. believe that reliable access to safe water is key to breaking the cycle of poverty in many areas—which in turn promotes better health, education and economic opportunity. One of the organization’s most successful tools has been the creation of micro-loans to fund household water and toilets for people who could not otherwise afford them.

Closer to Home

So are we running out of water? Are we likely to face a situation here in the Garden State where access to the water we need for drinking, cooking, bathing and growing Jersey corn and tomatoes is significantly curtailed? The answer is No, but with the caveat that other parts of the country may not have it so good.

Anyone who has flown into Las Vegas over a long stretch of time can’t help but notice that its main source of drinking water (and power), Lake Mead, is slowly disappearing. The lake is not a lake at all; it is part of the Colorado River and was the country’s largest reservoir up until a few years ago. Las Vegas itself has done a decent job with water conservation. But downstream, 20 million people in Nevada, Arizona and California depend on Lake Mead, as do vast swaths of the nation’s most productive farmland. A combination of increasing drought and demand—and reduced snowmelt in the Rocky Mountains—has dramatically reduced the amount of water that flows down the Colorado River and into Lake Mead. So far, the main inconvenience has been to local boat- and marina-owners, but there are a lot more folks who stand to lose if the water level continues to fall.

Elsewhere in America, historically low levels on the Rio Grande have put cities such as El Paso on the at-risk list for clean drinking water. Somewhat closer to home, in Georgia, the city of Atlanta receives much of its water supply from West Point Lake, which was created on the Chattahoochee River on the Alabama-Georgia border. West Point Lake nearly ran dry a decade ago. Meanwhile, Georgia, Alabama and Florida are tangled up in court over water rights, which could negatively impact the Big Peach. Residents of Salt Lake City are rightfully worried about lower snowfall totals, which diminish the annual runoff that replenishes their water supply. Miami is game-planning for rising sea levels, which threatens to contaminate its aquifer.

These examples may seem distant, yet just as in the other water-stressed regions of the world, “out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t really apply. Take Nebraska, for example, which experienced an extreme drought seven years ago. The Platte River hit historically low levels, threatening its agriculture industry, which supplies the nation with wheat, corn and soybeans. Another drought of that magnitude could push things to an unpleasant tipping point—and change your grocery bill for the worse.

Here in the land of plenty, it has been two years since the DEP put any drought restrictions on New Jerseyans. And most major cities in the northeast are being smart about their water usage. The world may be getting progressively thirstier, but for now at least, here the water is fine. 

 

Editor’s Note: Mark Stewart edited the 2011 book Clear Choices: The Water You Drink.

 

Kids and Water

For babies and toddlers, the threat of contaminated water rises to the level of a national emergency. In areas where old pipes taint the supply and families do not filter their tap water, blood lead levels test consistently high. Lead exposure in early childhood has a direct impact on intelligence, which creates a huge burden for the national economy down the road, and also limits an individual’s earning power in adulthood. Many parents and caregivers in areas where the water quality is poor opt instead to feed their children juices and sugary drinks. Unfortunately, they increase the likelihood of childhood and adult obesity, and the diseases that result from it.

 

Good to the Last Drop

Cape Town narrowly avoided Day Zero. The spring rains returned in 2018 and got the city’s reservoirs back to 60 percent. Cape Town began construction on four desalinization

plants and a new water-recycling facility. Each is expensive to build and operate, all the more so since they were started hastily, in the midst of a crisis. The future looks brighter for Capetonians, if for no other reason than they have reprogrammed themselves to consume about 40 percent less water. Old habits die hard, of course, but the near-death of their city will likely serve as a looming reminder of the value of conserving every drop.

 

In 2020, that’s a question worth asking when you make choices that involve environmental impact and sustainability. Here are four bright ideas that could improve the odds for the blue marble we call home…

WINNING UGLY 

Tired of overpaying for organic, non-GMO produce? Annoyed that—in a state where food stress and food deserts are real issues—more than a third of fruits and vegetables grown for your store end up in the dumpster because they are “imperfect” in some way? Too big, too small, shaped like a space alien—or too expensive for anyone to buy in the produce aisle. Misfits Market is one of several companies looking to narrow the waste factor by bringing quality food to your door. A box of “ugly” just-picked fruit and vegetables averaging 20 pounds will set you back $35 including shipping—so a good thing for the planet and a relative bargain. There are other options (and smaller sizes), plus you can stage deliveries so you never have too much, or run out. Each shipment comes in an eco-friendly box and contains a mix of leafy greens, vegetables, and fruit. And Misfits often throws in something new and wonderful you might not encounter unless you find it at an upscale eatery. 

SOMETHING IN THE AIR

The drinking water that comes out of your home tap has been in the news a lot lately, and not for good reasons. New Jersey is one of those states that keeps popping up on lists we don’t want to be on. There are filters you can screw onto your kitchen faucet and filtered pitchers you can keep in the fridge. Many people opt for home delivery of expensive and cumbersome jugs of filtered water. These solutions are all less than perfect. Watergen, an Israeli company that knows from water solutions, is rolling out a machine it calls GENNY. It pulls moisture out of the air—in your home, your office, wherever—and purifies both the water it dispenses and the air it pumps back into the room. The technology, which has a thumbs-up from the EPA, has also got the World Health Organization excited. GENNY dispenses premium-quality hot and cold water, doubles as a dehumidifier and can be controlled if you like with a smartphone app. 

SPECIAL DELIVERY 

The issue of single-use waste—what some of us call the “packaging problem”—has become overwhelming for a lot of consumers. You try to recycle as much as possible and maybe use some of the big boxes for storage, but end up throwing away a huge percentage of the stuff that other stuff comes in. A company right here in New Jersey, Trenton-based TerraCycle, has made strides in alleviating this problem, which impacts our homes and, obviously, the environment. Loop is a line of durable and reusable packaging and containers made largely of upcycled materials that you send back to the company when you’re done with its contents. It might be a detergent container or a juice bottle or the little box deodorant or toothpaste comes in. TerraCycle cleans it up and puts it right back into circulation. Among the corporations that have already “in the Loop” are Procter & Gamble, Nestle, and Unilever. Consumers pay a refundable deposit to get in on the program. 

SAFE AND SOUND 

As single-use plastic bags disappear from supermarkets and other retail stores, you can bet environ-mentalists will take aim next at disposable food-storage bags. As well they should. Most end up in a landfill or, in increasing numbers, the ocean. Which is why the reusable silicone bag is finally catching on. They’ve been around for a while and there are at least a dozen companies making them around the world. But Stasher may be the product to watch in 2020. The product was developed by Berkeley grad and plastic-free pioneer Kat Nouri a couple of years ago and got a boost from Mark Cuban on an episode of Shark Tank. Stasher reusable, airtight microwave-safe bags are made from “platinum-grade” silicone with no chemicals (e.g. BPA), fillers or petroleum byproducts and can be heated without leaching harmful toxins. An added benefit is that Stasher is ideal for sous vide slow-cooking.

To learn more about these products, visit these web sites: 

• misfitsmarket.com • terracycle.com 
• watergen.com • stasherbag.com

By Jim Sawyer

Eureka Moments are few and far between in the world of medicine. Typically, they come at the tail-end of years of research and rigorous testing and re-testing—at which point one of two things happens: They become headline-making stories or, more often, trickle out to the medical community and go almost completely unnoticed by regular people. 

Among the stories that deserved a little more ink in 2019 were advances in immunotherapy, chemotherapy, inflammatory diseases, nanotechnology, and the common cold. Whether they lead to game-changing drugs or therapies, well, perhaps it’s too early to say. But they are definitely stories worth following in 2020 and beyond.

Immunotherapy: Not Just for Cancer Anymore 

The immune system plays a role in the function of every organ and in a variety of health conditions. In 2019, researchers began a concerted effort to explore the benefits of immunotherapy—which is transforming cancer care—beyond the realm of oncology. Studies are currently being conducted to determine other ways in which stimulating the body’s immune system might prevent tissue rejection in transplant patients, as well as combating autoimmune diseases. Dermatologists at Penn Medicine have begun human trials using re-engineered T-cells to treat a skin disease called pemphigus. A pemphigus sufferer’s immune system produces antibodies that fight the proteins that hold the skin together, which causes painful blistering. The strategy is to “teach” the T-cells to go after the immune cells that make the antibodies. Previously, researchers had focused on neutralizing the antibodies, without much success. 

The Common Cold: On the Endangered List? 

In 2019, biologists at Stanford University reported finding the source of a protein essential to the function of numerous enteroviruses—which include the rhinoviruses we call the common cold. In human cells, enteroviruses cannot replicate without this particular protein—sort of like a copier with no paper left in its tray. The work at Stanford paves the way for antivirals that will cure most cases of the common cold, and also sheds light on how viruses use a host’s cell proteins to thrive. This, in turn, may impact other illnesses caused by enteroviruses—including those linked to heart inflammation and myelitis. The development of a drug that targets the protein in question is the next step. The hope is that it will do its job without being toxic to humans in some other way. 

It’s a Small World After All: New Nanolaser with Big Potential 

Researchers at Northwestern and Columbia Universities recently developed a microscopic nanolaser that is about one-thousandth the thickness of a human hair. In theory, it is small enough to go inside living tissue and provide imaging for doctors without damaging the tissue (because it does not require UV light to operate). The nanolaser uses photon “upconversion,” a process in which low-energy, bio-friendly photons are absorbed and converted into a higher-energy, visible laser beam. The shorthand here is that the new nanolaser can safely produce biological imaging where current ones can’t—including inside the human brain, where it could detect disease biomarkers, or even treat deep-brain disorders, such as epilepsy. 

Indivisible: Hair Loss Fix for Chemo Patients 

One of the most distressing side effects of cancer treatments is total hair loss. Researchers at the University of Manchester (right) in England have been trying to understand why hair follicles respond so poorly to chemotherapy. In 2019, they announced a breakthrough. Focusing on the damage caused by taxanes—the family of cancer drugs that cause permanent hair loss—the scientists found that the specialized dividing cells at the base of hair follicles, which are critical for producing hair (and the stem cells that produce them) are especially vulnerable to taxanes. They tried a new class of drugs called CDK4/6 inhibitors, which halted cell division in the follicles. Moving forward, the hope is that a cream or ointment can be made that will suspend this cell division temporarily, during chemo. The work at Manchester may also open the door to a treatment that will restore hair in patients who have already undergone cancer treatment.

Clever Cleaver: Redefining “Strip Steak”

The debate over the health effects of consuming red meat are likely to last as long as there are steaks sizzling on summer grills. Last October, yet another major study came out on the subject—this time finding there are no conclusive links between a red-meat diet and serious disease-causing most health professionals to lose their minds! Overlooked in the furor was a September news item out of UC-San Diego Medical School concerning Neu5Gc.

It’s a carbohydrate made by most mammals (including cattle), but not by humans. Whenever you eat red meat, a little Neu5Gc is absorbed into your tissue and, as it builds up, your immune system attacks it. This is believed to be the reason why diets heavy in red meat are linked to chronic inflammation, which can trigger an array of serious medical conditions, including colon cancer and atherosclerosis. The scientists at UC San Diego have found that sialidases—a type of bacterial enzyme produced in the gut—have the ability to cleave Neu5Gc from human tissue. This is exciting because, taken a step further, sialidases could actually be used to “scrub” Neu5Gc out of red meat before it even gets off the fork. In studies done on humanized mice, a sialidase enzyme made by carbohydrate-loving bacteria was shown to get Neu5Gc off of cells. Researchers also exposed meat purchased from a grocery store to sialidase that was generated in the lab and found that most Neu5Gc came off of the meat. If all goes well, the goal is to create a probiotic (or prebiotic) that would reduce the risk of inflammatory diseases for lovers of burgers and steaks.

What Can Brown Do for You? 

Although it doesn’t qualify as a medical breakthrough, a program called Flight Forward—which began a test run less than a year ago—promises to change the way many people receive life-saving medicine, supplies, and testing. The autonomous drone program was the brainchild of UPS and navigated enough obstacles to get the thumbs-up from the FAA for more extensive trials in 2020—flying tissue, urine and blood samples between a limited number of U.S. hospitals. UPS is not the first to try this; a company called Zipline has been delivering medical supplies via drone to remote villages in Ghana and Rwanda for a year.

In a few years, Meg Donnelly will look back on the early months of 2020 and wonder how she did it. Donnelly is currently filming Season 4 of the ABC sitcom American Housewife, opening Disney’s Zombies II on Valentine’s Day, and will be touring this March in support of Trust, the well-received album she dropped last December. It’s great to be 19, right? Donnelly got the musical comedy bug as a grade-schooler in New Jersey, and then fell in love with Broadway after her family moved to New York. She’s been singing, acting and dancing professionally since her ’tween years and at this point you’ve probably seen or heard her a hundred times without even knowing it. Start paying attention… Donnelly is not just a natural talent, she is a force of nature. EDGE editor Mark Stewart caught Donnelly before she revved up her day in L.A.

EDGE: At what point did your professional training begin?

MD: I went to a school called Annie’s Playhouse in Far Hills starting when I was five or six. Originally I went there to do shows for fun, because I was bad at sports and had to find something to do after school. I would go there, like, every night and watch all the older kids in class. That’s where I fell in love with performing. I just couldn’t see myself doing anything else, musical theater is so big in the NewYork– New Jersey area, so it was really cool to get into that. I was born in New York City and then my family moved to New Jersey, then moved back to the city when I was growing up. But I spent a lot of time in Jersey all the time, because of so many family members living there—in Hunterdon County, Somerset County and Morris County—all over the place. It was fun to visit them and visit old friends, too. I love New Jersey. It’s the best.

EDGE: Did your parents take you to a lot of Broadway shows?

MD: I loved going to Broadway shows. In New York, I attended the Performing Children’s School. PCS was really fun. I was a huge theater kid. My favorite musical still is Rent. I saw it on Broadway the first time when I was five. I had no idea what was going on and I fell asleep at the end. Growing up, I would watch the movie every single day—long before I even grasped the concept of what it was about. I loved it.

EDGE: From what I’ve seen, you’d be very much in your element in a Broadway musical. I hope that’s on your radar.

MD: Oh, yeah. For sure. I would like to do theater. Acting is so amazing and singing is so amazing, so I’d love to combine all three.

EDGE: You started shooting the fourth season of American Housewife in January, playingTaylor Otto, the family’s teenage daughter. How has that role evolved?

MD: In the first season, Taylor was an athlete playing three sports. I love watching sports so much…I just cannot play them. It was a challenge and it was fun— no matter what Taylor is or does, I love playing her—but I am so thankful that the writers threw in that she broke her ankle and couldn’t play anymore. She had to find a new activity and turned to theater. That was really cool. [laughs] I think Taylor has become a very relatable character for teenage girls everywhere and to parents, as well. She is a combination of all the writers’ teenage daughters, if that makes sense, so there are many situations with her mom and the things she says where parents who watch American Housewife say, “Oh… Yup…”

EDGE: How do your experiences as teenagers differ?

MD: Taylor navigates through life a little more than I do. She’s in high school and about to go to college. Me, I was 11 and out of school auditioning. I didn’t have a normal life. So it’s hard to relate. But as teenagers and daughters, we have a lot of similarities, too.

EDGE: There are a lot of funny people on your show. Who cracks you up the easiest?

MD: I honestly would say Daniel [DiMaggio] who plays my younger brother, Oliver. Diedrich [Bader] and Katy [Mixon] are constantly making jokes and they are so funny. Also, obviously Ali Wong. Her improvs are so funny. I don’t have that many scenes with her because she’s usually doing the “second breakfast” with Katy. I always talk with Ali outside of work. You know, it’s crazy how nice everybody is. You hear these horror stories in Hollywood and we’re, like, nothing of the sort. I pinch myself every day. And it’s not just the cast. The entire crew is like family. We know each other like the back of our hands because it’s been the same crew going on four years.

EDGE: There are never any guarantees that a network series will be picked up, of course. During your first season, did everyone feel like the show was going to make it?

MD: We did 13 episodes our first season and were hoping for more. I asked Diedrich, because he’s been around the block in this business and he’s like my second dad. He said, “There’s literally nothing you can do.You just have to wait it out.” Everyone was so happy when they announced we would get a full season. You pay attention to the ratings and all that, but in this day and age, you never know.

EDGE: In the Zombies films you’ve made for Disney, was that your first time playing the romantic lead?

MD: In American Housewife, Taylor has boyfriends and stuff, but that’s not the equivalent. In Zombies that was the first time it was super-heavy romantic. It was so much fun, though, because Milo Manheim [who plays Zed, her zombie boyfriend] and I are, like, best friends. Especially doing the second movie, it’s so easy to go into a scene where we know exactly what we’re doing. The scenes are challenging, but the chemistry of romance is so natural now.

EDGE: Did you know Milo before Zombies?

MD: No. We met during the audition process. But we instantly trusted each other. It was the weirdest feeling. That’s why it ended up working out—we just had this connection, I don’t know how to describe it.

EDGE: How did the audition work?

MD: The process was interesting. First, you come in for the role. So there were three auditions of me going for [the lead role of] Addison. Then it was a chemistry read, where they’d pair you up with different guys. All the Zeds and Addisons would go in and they’d check the height and the look and see what was happening between the actors. Milo and I were paired up with different people at the beginning and it wasn’t until the end of the day that they put us together. When we were in the room, I don’t know what happened. Something clicked. Everyone kind of saw it and Milo and I saw it, too. We were just so comfortable and laughing at the same time. It was cool. So for the rest of the process they only paired us up, so we were a team. Once that happened, it was like, Which team will get it? It’s funny. In the final audition they asked if we could sing a duet. And I was like, ummmm… I started freaking out. But Milo being Milo, he said, “Give us two minutes.”

EDGE: And what happened? 

MD: We went outside the room and I asked, “What is your idea?” He said, “I don’t have an idea! I just started saying stuff!” We quickly decided we’d sing “Love Is an Open Door” from Frozen and, in two minutes, we got the harmonies down and made up some choreography. We went back in shaking—we were so nervous—but we just went for it.

EDGE: Addison is a cheerleader in Zombies. You mentioned that sports isn’t really your thing. Did you have to go through a lot training to play a cheerleader convincingly?

MD: It was cool because when I was little I had taken gymnastics. It started to come back, especially the tumbling stuff. But, yeah, there were four weeks of rehearsal and then six to seven weeks of shooting. So during rehearsal we had intense cheer training. We filmed in Toronto, so all these cheer teams from Canada would come in and teach us how to keep your elbows together when you clap, the proper way to position your arms and legs, it was really intense. But so much fun.

EDGE: You began making a splash as a recording artist in 2018. Now you have the album Trust, which came out near the end of 2019. How did that part of your life evolve?

MD: My whole life I’ve been writing down song lyrics and have always had melodies in my head. I didn’t know how the whole recording and producing part of the business worked, but it was always something I’d wanted to do. On the first Zombies movie, Ali D Theodore, the producer of the song “BAMM”—we actually went to the same high school, PCS in New York—said, “I really want you to come by my studio if you’re home.” A year later I was in New York, dropped by the studio, and it just kind of clicked. I started making music and that was that. He helped me navigate through the music world and I couldn’t be more grateful. My life has changed a lot since then—music is very therapeutic for me and it has always been such a big part of my life. Now I finally get to do another thing that I love.

EDGE: Is there an entertainer you look at now and think, Yeah, she did it the right way—not an idol so much as an inspiration?

MD: I feel like Zendaya is such a good model. She gracefully and gradually went out of the Disney world and is doing stuff she loves. She’s on [the HBO series] Euphoria and she came out with music that’s really good. I feel like everything she does is poised and elegant, but you can tell she also has fun and is very authentic. She balances all of those qualities very well.

EDGE: At some point down the road, achieving that kind of balance might mean making decisions about pursuing dramatic roles or acting in comedies, or chasing a singing career. Are you thinking about those choices yet?

MD: Honestly, I’m down for anything. [laughs] I’m seeing where things take me, playing it by ear, staying ready for whatever comes my way. I do tend to overthink and plan out my whole schedule, but in this business you have no idea what’s going to happen. I could get a call tomorrow to be on a flight to Seattle and I’d be, Okay, great. Right now, I’m just grateful for every opportunity and excited for the future.

Swinging Into Spring

January 30 to March 1 

Paper Mill Playhouse

(Check web site for show dates and times.) 

Unmasked The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber 

Unmasked is a new musical revue inspired by the recent autobiography of Andrew Lloyd Webber and featuring his most beloved songs and stories. 

 

February 21 – February 29

Kean Stage

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

Anna In the Tropics 

Pulitzer Prize winner Nilo Cruz wrote this play about a Cuban-America family awaiting an important visitor. 

 

 

Tuesday • February 25 7:00 pm

NJPAC

PHILADANCO! 

The electrifying dance company celebrates its 50th anniversary on the Victoria Theater stage. 

 

Saturday • March 14 2:00 & 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Russian National Ballet

The Sleeping Beauty 

All the way from Moscow, the RNB performs Tchaikovsky’s magical fairy tale.

 

Saturday • March 21 • 7:30 pm 

Kean Stage

Taylor 2 Dance Company Live On Stage 

Renowned choreographer Paul Taylor established “Taylor 2” in 1993. The company captures the athleticism, humor and range of emotions for which his work is known. 

Saturday • March 21 • 7:30 pm 

Sunday • March 22 • 3:00 pm 

NJPAC

Ballet Hispanico Carmen Maquia 

The timeless story of Carmen is interpreted through a unique fusion of ballet, paso doble, flamenco and contemporary dance. 

 

Tuesday • March 31 • 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Complexions

Contemporary Ballet Bach 25 and Star Dust 

Founded in 1994 by master choreographer Dwight Rhoden and the legendary Desmond Richardson, Complexions presents dance celebrations of the classical master and rock legend David Bowie. 

 

April 1 to April 26 

Paper Mill Playhouse

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

Sister Act 

A feel-good musical based on the Hollywood hit, Sister Act earned five Tony nominations during its Broadway run. 

 

April 2-4 

State Theatre

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

The Play That Goes Wrong 

The State stages four performances of the Broadway hit that turns a murder mystery into a gut-busting comedy. 

 

April 23 to April 29 

NJPAC

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

Shen Yun 

The world-famous classical Chinese music and dance company returns to NJPAC for eight spellbinding performances. 

 

Tuesday • April 28 • 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Diavolo Live On Stage 

The high-flying America’s Got Talent finalists have blended modern dance with acrobatics and gymnastics to create an awe-inspiring show.

POPULAR

Thursday • February 13 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Boyz II Men Live On Stage 

R&B icons Boyz II Men get a jump on Valentine’s weekend with a big show in New Brunswick. The group has sold more than 60 million albums. 

 

Friday • February 14 • 8:00 pm 

Prudential Center

Bell Biv DeVoe & Friends A Night of Love 

Fantasia, Keyshia Cole, Monica and XSCAP3 join 1990s R&B icons Bell Biv DeVoe for an unforgettable Valentine’s Evening celebration. 

 

Saturday • February 15 • 8:00 pm 

Prudential Center

Marc Anthony The Opus Tour 

Singer-actor-producer Marc Anthony brings his Opus Tour to Newark for a Saturday night spectacular. Anthony is a two-time Grammy winner and has sold more than 12 million albums worldwide. 

 

Sunday • February 16 • 7:00 pm 

NJPAC

Gregory Porter & Ledisi Live On Stage 

Gregory Porter, the Grammy-winning man in the Kangol hat, teams up with Selma star Ledisi for an evening of jazz in Prudential Hall. 

 

Thursday • February 18 • 8:00 pm 

Prudential Center

Post Malone The Runaway Tour 

Post Malone has extended his Runaway Tour and will play The Rock this winter, along with Swae Lee and Tyla Yaweh. Malone’s blend of hip-hop, rap and rock has sold 60 million records. 

 

Saturday • March 7 • 7:30 pm 

Sunday • March 8 • 7:30 pm 

Prudential Center

Celine Dion Courage World Tour 

Celine Dion takes the stage for two-weekend shows in her first U.S. tour in a decade. Dion has sold more than a quarter-billion albums in her 35-year career. 

 

Saturday • March 14 2:00 & 7:00 pm 

NJPAC

Valerie Simpson with Dave Koz Sugar Bar Comes to Newark 

Valerie Simpson and saxophonist Dave Koz team up to recreate the timeless ambiance of the NYC nightspot owned by Simpson and the late Nickolas Ashford (aka Ashford & Simpson).

 

Saturday • March 14 • 3:00 pm 

NJPAC

Michael Feinstein Shaken & Stirred 

Legendary pianist Michael Feinstein and vocalist Storm Large present an afternoon of intoxicating music from the Great American Songbook. 

 

Monday • March 16 • 7:30 pm 

Prudential Center

Billie Eilish Where Do We Go? World Tour 

Teen sensation Billie Eilish’s debut album When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go? absolutely blew up in 2019, producing four platinum singles. She is the first artist born in the 2000s to chart a #1 hit, with “Bad Guy.” 

 

Tuesday • March 17 • 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Celtic Women Celebration 

Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with Tara McNeill on fiddle and Irish harp, and singers Mairéad Carlin, Éabha McMahon, and Megan Walsh. 

 

Friday • March 20 • 8:00 pm 

NJPAC

Johnny Mathis Live On Stage 

Legendary hit-maker Johnny Mathis is joined on the Prudential Hall stage by special guest Gary Mule Deer. Chances are it’ll be a night to remember. 

 

Saturday • March 21 • 7:00 pm 

State Theatre 

Jay & The Americans Golden Oldies Spectacular 

Relive the 1960s with Jay, BJ Thomas, Lou Christie, Dennis Tufano of The Buckinghams, and 1919 Fruitgum Company. 

Sunday • March 22 • 6:30 pm 

Prudential Center

Omarion & Bow Wow The Millennium Tour 2020 

The two legendary artists are joined by Sammie, Pretty Ricky, Ying Yang Twins and Soulja Boy in a rap extravaganza at The Rock. 

 

Friday • April 3 • 8:00 pm 

NJPAC

The Beach Boys 12 Sides of Summer 

The iconic rock group has been on the road performing their hits for more than a half-century. Felix Cavaliere’s Rascals join the good vibrations on the Prudential Hall stage. 

 

Wednesday • April 15 • 8:00 pm 

Prudential Center

Elton John The Farewell Yellow Brick Road Tour 

Elton John sold out his 2019 shows in Newark and is returning for one more on his final world tour. His album sales are currently 300 million and counting.

FOR THE KIDS

February 27 – March 1 

Prudential Center

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

Jurassic World Live Tour 

A jaw-dropping stage show featuring life-sized Jurassic Park dinosaurs lumbers into the Prudential Center for nine unforgettable performances. 

 

Saturday • March 7 10:00 am & 12:00 pm 

State Theatre

Princeton Percussion Ensemble Milk & Cookies 

The Princeton Symphony Orchestra Bravo Percussion Ensemble presents a fun, interactive, and educational program for the young ones. 

 

Sunday • March 8 • 4:00 pm 

NJPAC

National Dance Institute Voices of Change 

What could be more fun or inspiring than kids dancing for kids? Two hundred student dancers highlight a Sunday afternoon performance on the Victoria Theater stage.

 

Sunday • March 8 • 7:00 pm 

State Theatre

Tuesday • March 10 • 7:00 pm

NJPAC

MasterChef Junior Live On Stage 

The beloved cooking competition come to New Jersey in a show featuring some of the show’s all-time favorite contestants.

 

Sunday • March 15 11:00 am & 2:00 pm 

State Theatre

Dinosaur World Live 

This interactive show features lifelike dinosaurs including T-Rex, Triceratops and Segnosaurus. 

 

April 10–13 

State Theatre

(Check web site for show dates and times.)

Sesame Street Live Let’s Party! 

It’s a street party at the State Theatre featuring Big Bird, Elmo, Cookie, Oscar, Abby and Grover. 

 

Friday • April 24 • 7:00 pm 

NJPAC

Recycled Percussion 

The drummers of Recycled Percussion transform everyday objects into percussive instruments during a high-energy, family-friendly show. 

Laugh Out Loud

Thursday • February 6 • 7:00 pm 

Prudential Center

Jeff Dunham The Seriously? Tour 

Jeff Dunham has found the sweet spot between stand-up and ventriloquism during a career that stretches back to his Broadway breakthrough in the 1980s. Dunham is bringing all his buddies to The Rock, including Walter, Peanut, Bubba J and Sweet Daddy Dee. 

 

Saturday • February 22 • 7:00 pm 

NJPAC

Yvonne Orji Lagos to Laurel Tour 

The star of HBO’s Insecure brings her hilarious take on faith and family to the Victoria Theater. 

 

Friday • March 6 • 7:30 & 9:00 pm 

NJPAC

Maz Jobrani Live On Stage 

A Netflix and NPR favorite, Maz Jobrani brings his unique spin on the Iranian-American experience to Newark. Check out our Q&A with Maz on the edgemagonline.com “Interviews” tab. 

 

Thursday • March 12 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Jay Leno Live On Stage 

One of the all-time great stand-ups makes a stop in New Brunswick.

 

Friday • April 4 • 7:00 pm 

NJPAC

Kathleen Madigan 8 O’clock Happy Hour Tour 

The beloved stand-up presents an uncensored and no-holds-barred evening that begins an hour before 8 o’clock. 

 

Friday • April 17 • 8:00 pm 

NJPAC

Rob Reiner This Is Spinal Tap 

Spinal Tap director, writer, and co-star Rob Reiner comes to NJPAC to celebrate the 35th anniversary of his groundbreaking mockumentary about the loudest band in England.

Classical

Saturday • February 15 • 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

Siberian State Symphony Orchestra 

Vladimir Lande conducts and Pavel Milyukov is featured on the violin in a special stop in New Jersey during an eight-week U.S. tour. 

 

Friday • February 21 • 8:00 pm 

NJPAC

Beethoven, Paganini & Brahms Academy of St. Martin In the Fields 

Conductor/violinist Joshua Bell—a Prudential Hall favorite—will solo on Paganini’s heartwarming Violin Concerto No. 1. 

 

Thursday • Februrary 27 • 1:30 pm 

Sunday • March 1 • 3:00 pm 

NJPAC

Saturday • February 29 • 8:00 pm 

State Theatre

New Jersey Symphony Orchestra 

Simone Porter performs on violin and Christoph Konig conducts the NJSO performing the works of Mozart, Bruckner, and Mendelssohn.

Saturday • April 4 • 8:00 pm 

NJPAC

Sunday • April 5 • 3:00 pm 

State Theatre

New Jersey Symphony Orchestra Tchaikovsky’s Fifth Symphony 

Conductor Henrik Nansi makes his NJSO debut after wowing fans at the Metropolitan Opera last season. 

 

Saturday • April 18 • 7:30 pm 

Kean Stage

Black Violin Impossible Tour 

Though classically trained, Kev Marcus and Wil B. aren’t strictly a classical act. They bring their genre-bending talent to Kean U. for a stop on a highly anticipated spring/summer tour. 

 

For more info on these listings log onto the following web sites: 

Kean Stage • keanstage.com 

NJPAC • njpac.org 

Paper Mill Playhouse • papermill.org 

Prudential Center • prucenter.com 

State Theatre • stnj.org

 

Photo Credits:

NJPAC: Ballet Hispanico, PHILADANCO, Shen Yun, Gregory Porter, Michael Feinstein, Johnny Mathis, MasterChef Junior, National Dance Institute, Joshua Bell, Yvonne Orji, Henrik Nansi, Simone Porter ; State Theatre of New Jersey: Russian National Ballet, Complexions, The Play That Goes Wrong, Diavolo, Boyz II Men, Jay & The Americans, Princeton Percussion, Dinosaur World Live, Sesame Street Live, Jay Leon, Siberian State Orchestra; Kean Stage: Black Violin; Other: Elton John by Ernst Vikne; Rob Reiner by Jay Godwin; Billie Eilish courtesy of MTV International; Valerie Simpson courtesy of Hopsack & Silk Records; Bell Biv DeVoe courtesy of MCA Records; Taylor 2 by Whitney Browne; Recycled Percussion courtesy of Recycled Percussion; Maz Jobrani courtesy of Maz Jobrani

What happens when a game-changing product hits the market…and consumers just change the channel?

By Luke Sacher

Thomas Edison once said, “I can never pick something up without wanting to improve it.” The man who brought to millions the light bulb, phonograph and motion pictures embodied the spirit of invention and innovation as he churned out one culture-changing product after another. That same spirit is still alive and well today, driving an unprecedented wave of new, transformative consumer products and technologies. 

It’s worth noting that Old Tom also laid more than a few bad eggs, some of which proved quite costly both to his investors and him personally. The electric pen, the spirit phone… who knows why they never caught on?

My point is that even when true geniuses are involved, and no matter how many hotshot business executives have green-lighted a product or how much money has been plowed into promoting it, there is no guarantee that people will buy what they are selling. And when they don’t, it’s a catastrophe. 

I grew up in a family of Madison Avenue advertising executives. The ongoing conversation about marketing calamities—during meals, on car rides, and at the cocktail parties I was often allowed to stay up for—is a subject that still fascinates me. In my adult lifetime, I can think of more than a dozen “What were they thinking?” moments. Here are four you might remember, one you probably don’t, and one that predates me—which just might be the worst flop in history.

GOOGLE GLASS • 2014 

In the summer of 2010, the FOX animated series Futurama aired an episode entitled “The Eye Phone.” It was a blistering satire of iPhone-mania that featured a smartphone implanted directly into the eye socket, providing a “Head In, Heads Up” video display. “With the new Eye Phone,” the episode’s “Apple-esque” parody TV ad explained, “you can watch, listen, ignore your friends, stalk your ex, download porno on a crowded bus… even check your email while getting hit by a train. All with the new Eye Phone.” Meanwhile, back in the real world, a genuine Augmented Reality (AR) device was being designed and engineered by Google, in their cutting-edge X Development division: a pair of Luxottica designer eyeglass frames, fitted with a heads-up semi-transparent display equal to a 25-inch screen viewed from 8 feet away. Among its features was an HD video camera that recorded continuously for at least 10 minutes with no one knowing but the wearer. Google Glass was made available to consumers on May 15, 2014. 

The initial reaction was euphoric. Time pronounced Google Glass (“Glass,” for short) as one of the best new products that year. Everyone who was anyone wanted one. It looked like something out of a 007 or Mission: Impossible flick. But there were issues. At $1,500, it was expensive. Other than the display and the spy camera, it offered nothing more than a smartwatch costing a third as much. And due to both potential health risks and battery requirements, Glass had no 4G LTE cellular capability. To use it for phone calls, it had to connect via Bluetooth to a smartphone somewhere on your person (Google Android recommended, of course).

Oh, also…it made you look like a rich dork pretending to be a creepy secret agent. Or just plain creepy. 

Glass soon became the object of widespread public outrage over safety and privacy concerns. Laws were passed banning it from use while driving, as well as in banks, movie theaters, sports arenas, locker and dressing rooms, classrooms, casinos, bars, hospitals—you get the picture. Nine months after its release, in February 2015, Google suspended production. 

Unwilling to relegate Glass to the ash heap of tech history, the company shifted gears and began focusing on another market. The product had enormous potential for people who needed real-time information while keeping both hands free, such as precision engineers and certain medical professionals. In July 2017, Google announced the release of its Glass Enterprise Edition and, this past May, Enterprise 2. 

SEGWAY • 2001 

On December 3, 2001, after months of goosebump-raising build-up in the popular press, Dean Kamen— genius inventor of lifesaving medical devices and all-around good guy—unveiled his latest creation live on Good Morning America, in Manhattan’s Bryant Park. He called it the Segway. It was a phonetic spelling of segue, which (as we all know?) means “to follow without pause or interruption from one thing to another”. Kamen described his invention as the world’s first self-balancing human transporter. “This product is going to revolutionize transportation forever,” he promised. It will do for walking what the calculator did for pad and pencil. You’ll get there quicker, you’ll go farther…anywhere people walk. 

By 2007, Segway—which carried a sticker price of $5,000—had reached only 1% of projected sales. Popular opinion deemed it nothing more than a status toy for bored celebrities, techies and people willing to risk severe injuries trying to learn how to ride it. This despite initial glowing reviews from the likes of Steve Jobs, who said the Segway might be “as big a deal as the PC.” Later, Jobs changed his mind, saying it “sucked.” 

Not everyone gave up on the Segway. In 2010, British entrepreneur Jimi Heselden purchased the company, with plans to turn it around. Later that year, however, Heselden was unable to turn his own Segway around and drove it off a cliff to his death. 

In the years that followed, Segway’s market dwindled down to mall cops and tourists. Kamen’s gyroscopically controlled, self-balancing single axle technology still had potential, however. In 2015, the Chinese company Ninebot purchased Segway and now markets a fleet of hoverboards and in-line scooters featuring this technology. Ninebot shipped more than a million scooters alone in 2019—more than 10 times the number of Segways sold in 17 years. In 2020, the company is debuting a dirt bike for adult motocrossers. 

When asked about the Segway’s initial failure, Kamen references the Wright Brothers. “They certainly weren’t giving out frequent flyer miles by 1920,” he says. “But I don’t think anybody would say, ‘Hey Wilbur, hey Orville, how do you feel about that failure?’”

PERSIL POWER • 1994 

All laundry detergents do two things, but we only think about one of them: They clean clothes. The other thing detergents do is damage clothes. Success in the suds biz depends on getting consumers excited about the first thing, and hoping they don’t notice the second thing. Striking the delicate balance between maximum cleaning and minimum damage dates back to 1907 when the Henkel Company created Persil, the first commercially available “self-activated” detergent. The product’s name came from two of its original ingredients: sodium perborate and silicate. 

This product launch disaster happened across the pond, in Great Britain. In the early 1990s, independent tests showed that all major laundry brands available in the UK, including Persil, performed pretty much the same in removing stains. Around that time, Persil’s chief UK competitor, Ariel—made by arch-rival Procter & Gamble—introduced a “super compact” detergent featuring chemical catalysts to make it clean better using less soap per wash, and in colder water. Unilever/Henkel responded by developing a super-compact of their own, adding a manganese catalyst that they branded as the “Accelerator.” 

Before new Persil Power hit the market, Procter & Gamble did something unprecedented in its history: It contacted its main competitor to issue a warning. P&G had tested the “Accelerator” and found it to be way too strong. It actually destroyed clothing after a few washes. The inevitable public outcry would damage the credibility of the entire detergent market. If Unilever/Henkel went ahead and released Persil Power as is, P&G promised to publicize its test results as extensively and graphically possible. The Persil folks responded by saying their test results looked just peachy, thank you, and in May 1994 rolled out the biggest advertising campaign in British detergent history—sinking a quarter-billion pounds into the product launch. P&G made good on its promise. One press release said: “If you use this product, your clothes will be shredded to the point of indecency.” 

Within weeks, it was clear that Persil Power was a total train wreck. Despite an unprecedented advertising blitz, combined sales of Persil Power and regular Persil did not move the needle one bit. Far worse, thousands of new Persil Power users from Belfast to Brighton were reporting big problems. Their clothes were losing their colors after a couple of washes, and after a couple more, were disintegrating. A gentler formulation was rushed to market, but by then, it was too late. Consumer confidence was lost. A full product recall was issued, and Persil Power was discontinued. In 1995, Persil re-engineered its super compact formula to boost stain performance without a catalyst and released it as New Generation Persil. 

How the two companies’ test results on Persil Power differed so dramatically—or why the Unilever/Henkel people completely ignored P&G’s warning—no one knows to this day. One theory is that Persil’s testing was done on brand-new garments, which would have been more resistant than older ones to the damaging effects of the new catalyst. 

Today, Persil is manufactured and sold all over the world by both Henkel and Unilever. It came to the United States in 2015 and is sold exclusively at Walmart. Consumer Reports rated it the best detergent it ever tested.

OLESTRA • 1996 

In 1837, English candlemaker William Procter and Irish soapmaker James Gamble— brothers-in-law through their marriage to two sisters—became business partners. In the ensuing decades, Procter & Gamble became synonymous with household brands including Ivory, Crest, Tide, Crisco, Jif, and hundreds of more products made with animal, vegetable, and petroleum-based oils and fats. 

In 1968, P&G researchers synthesized Olestra, a vegetable oil (sucrose polyester) intended to be easily absorbed by premature infants. To their dismay, it worked in precisely the opposite way, passing straight through the digestive system with zero absorption. However, Olestra did have one intriguing property: It bonded with cholesterol and escorted it directly out the “back door,” so to speak. So P&G executives green-lit test studies to earn FDA approval for Olestra’s use both as a food additive and a drug. However, after six years, results showed that it did not reduce cholesterol levels by the FDA’s 15 percent requirement to qualify as “safe and effective.” 

Unwilling to write off Olestra as a complete failure, P&G continued clinical trials for its approval as a calorie-free cooking oil substitute. It looked and tasted and behaved in the kitchen like Crisco, yet produced results closer to Castoria. Unfortunately, those trials also found that Olestra bonded with essential fat-soluble vitamins A, D, E and K (and carotenoids) the same way it did with cholesterol, flushing them out of the body, too. On top of that, one of the studies concluded that even moderate consumption of Olestra caused a statistically significant increase in diarrhea and gastrointestinal distress.

Fast-forward to 1987, by which time the company had amassed enough long-term data to submit an application to the FDA for Olestra. Nine years later, in 1996, the FDA approved its use in the manufacture of potato chips, tortilla chips, and crackers—under the condition that a health warning label is printed on every bag, reading “This Product Contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools (anal leakage). Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E and K have been added.” 

P&G approached Frito-Lay with a licensing deal to use Olestra to make fat-free potato and tortilla chips. Not long after, Lay’s, Ruffles and Doritos WOW! chips hit the store shelves, with millions of dollars in advertising and publicity behind them. A snack food that could be consumed by the bagful repercussion-free? Although that’s not exactly what the messaging was, that was the message received by America’s couch potatoes, and they were all-in. 

The Internet hadn’t hit full stride yet and social media was still years away, but it didn’t take long for the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan. Soon everyone had heard an Olestra story, each seemingly worse than the one before it. The Center for Science in the Public Interest reported that a “63-year-old Indianapolis woman ruined three pairs of underwear and had no friends for two days after eating Olestra chips.” An independent study found that eating only 16 Olestra potato chips caused diarrhea in half of the participants. Meanwhile, people (as they still do now) were downing entire bags of these chips—far more than any testing had anticipated. Comedians were having a field day with “anal leakage” jokes. Damage control efforts proved futile and Olestra quietly disappeared from the market.

NEW COKE • 1985

If you lived through the 1980s, you no doubt remember the fall of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War. But how about the Cola Wars? During those fizzy-headed years of Miami Vice, Mad Max and mullets, Coke and Pepsi faced off in a grudge match for the title of King Cola.

First: a little history. For nearly a century since the birth of both companies, Pepsi had remained a comfortably distant competitor to Coca-Cola. During World War II, thanks to exclusive government contracts and exemptions from sugar rationing, Coke—not Pepsi—shipped out with America’s military, which resulted in the building of 64 bottling plants from Manchester to Manila and make Coke the most-recognized brand on the planet. In the postwar years, Pepsi was quick to target the only market left open to them, which to their great good luck happened to be the biggest ever: America’s Baby Boomers. In 1975, Pepsi discovered its competitor’s Achilles’ heel. It began airing commercials showing hidden-camera blind taste-tests (aka The Pepsi Challenge), which showed conclusively that people preferred the taste of Pepsi to Coke just over half the time. As a result, that year, Pepsi surpassed Coke in supermarket sales. Coca-Cola ran its own blind tests and, much to its corporate dismay, came up with identical results.

No one in Atlanta pulled the fire alarm until 1981 when new Coca-Cola CEO Roberto Goizueta and President Robert Keough set their chemists to work creating an entirely new “Holy Grail” formula that would beat both Pepsi’s and Coke’s original flavors. After three years of experimentation and blind-testing 200,000 consumers, they felt statistically certain that they had a winner. So certain were they, in fact, that they completely discontinued production of the original formula and replaced it with the new one, spending tens of millions in advertising and PR to ready the public for the switch. By the time they were ready to premiere “New Coke”, 96% of Americans knew about it—more than who could name the President of the United States (for the record, it was

Ronald Reagan). It was a masterwork of strategic marketing.

Except for one thing. It wasn’t The Real Thing.

People tried “New Coke” and freaked out. They hated it. They called it “Coksi” and “Pepsi in drag.” Five thousand nasty phone calls a day poured into Coca-Cola’s headquarters—and that was back when calling Georgia was a toll call. Songs were recorded and played over the airwaves: “Please don’t change the taste of Coke. Why would you want to fix it? It ain’t broke!” Sales cratered.

Goizueta and Keough had overlooked the most important and valuable quality of Coke: authenticity. To millions of Americans and billions all over the world, Coca-Cola was more than just a soft drink. It was an American icon. Changing its formula was akin to “updating” the Statue of Liberty with an 80s wardrobe makeover. Or adding a base in baseball. Or spitting on the Flag. Or Mom. Or her apple pie.

It took Coca-Cola exactly 11 weeks to bring back the original formula, renaming it “Classic.” Sales rebounded, then skyrocketed. Goizueta and Keough had survived one of the dumbest corporate decisions in the history of consumer products and taught every other marketer an important lesson. Now when you describe something as “New Coke” you need to say nothing more.

A common conspiracy theory remains that Coca-Cola deliberately launched New Coke as a pariah, in order to stoke loyalty for the true original. Well… at that time, my stepdad was president of the ad agency handling the Sprite and Minute Maid accounts for Coca-Cola, so he had a boardroom-side seat to the whole mess. When I asked him about it, he simply told me what Keough had said: “We’re not that smart, and we’re not that stupid.” Maybe the happy moral of this story is: Familiarity doesn’t always breed contempt.

BLAST from the PAST

In the mid-1950s, the Ford Motor Company launched an entirely new division to compete with rivals General Motors and Chrysler in the growing mid-priced field. Henry Ford II assigned the task to his “Whiz Kids,” a group of 10 veteran officers from the Army Air Force Office of Statistical Control who had steered Ford out of near-bankruptcy just after World War II. They were masters of corporate finance and management but had no practical experience with marketing cars. Using statistical analysis and the nascent social science of “motivational research,” the Whiz Kids set about producing a car that offered everything that the average customer could possibly want—and wound up creating one that nobody wanted: the automotive dumpster fire we now know as The Edsel. 

The Edsel was available in four trim classes, six body types, and 90 head-spinning color combinations. It offered several design wow-factors, such as “Teletouch” automatic transmission, which was operated by push buttons located in the center of the steering wheel. This happened to be where the horn button was in virtually every car made since 1920. One can only imagine how many times Edsel drivers were “wowed” by both frightening silence and physical agony after pressing their palms full force into the jagged edges of the Teletouch control center at the moment of a traffic emergency. You get the idea.

“Do you get the idea that Decker pushes at the edges of possibilities without going too far?”

By Andy Clurfeld

Rabbit, take two—I’m thinking to myself as I cop a fourth—then a fifth bite of the slow-braised meat, might taste even better than the first time I’d tried it a few weeks earlier—at the reinvented 100 Steps in Cranford. The dish takes in a lot of moisture during its daily slow-cook, and what I taste in every bite of that meat is a concentrated infusion of liquid, seasoning and the kickback of accents: currants, Castelvetrano olives and, in a tip of the hat to the classic French preparation of rabbit in mustard sauce, the playful tang of pickled yellow mustard seeds. I spear a triangle of polenta, crisped by a crusting of parmesan, into the rabbit’s broth and wonder how soon I can get back to 100 Steps to eat, and think more about this dish that I hope will be fending off the cold all season. 

It’s executive chef Kara Decker’s rabbit, a signature dish on her new menu at her old stomping grounds. And it’s proof positive that you can go home again.

In a Reader’s Digest-style condensed recap, Chef Decker was the go-to gal in the kitchens of A Toute Heure and its spinoff sibling 100 Steps when both were owned and operated by Andrea and Jim Carbine. For years, Decker cooked her heart out at the block-apart restaurants—and won the hearts of locals and destination diners. Flash forward to the Carbines selling the two restaurants to separate owners, new chefs taking charge, and subsequent chef changes. 

Then, this past fall, Jack Tagmouti, the new owner of 100 Steps, connected with Decker and brought her back to the kitchen she’d shepherded in its infancy and early childhood. They kept the raw bar, a seminal component that spotlights in-season oysters, while Decker re-focused the menu to hone in on her gutsy, decidedly un-shy dishes that sift through the Mediterranean repertoire until hitting solid gold.

Hence, the rabbit, which Decker labels “Spanish” and I would argue also manages to tap into essential flavors that cooks in Sicily and Provence might bring to the dish. She broadens her vision again in an appetizer that, elsewhere, has become clichéd, by frying pork belly and setting it atop a creamy parsnip puree surrounded by dots of pear puree and then drizzling the pork with a fish-sauce vinaigrette that gives it a briny, caramel-y boost. Hot red Fresno chilies and mint, a nifty two-step, finish this Euro-Asian number, which also came with a tangle of gently pickled onions, which I demolished before handing it off to my too-polite guests. 

Do you get the idea that Decker pushes at the edges of possibilities without going too far? Goes for forward flavors that don’t fight with each other for attention on her plates, but complement and flatter each other? Works, and works hard, at guiding her diners to new ways of looking at familiar foods? She does all of that in her rendition of grilled octopus: Smoky-to-the max with an emulsified pimenton vinaigrette, the soft-bodied cephalopod tangos with an escabeche of endive and black kalamata olive oil, adding smacks of acidity and salinity to each bite. What else is needed? Potatoes, of course, the traditional sideshow to octopus, and a component that, here, proves a perfect mate to that soulful Spanish paprika in the vinaigrette that is the foundation of this dish. 

Impressive are Decker’s pastas, which don’t employ shapes you only find in Italy or sauces that seem borne in uncharted territory. There’s a tagliatelle Bolognese, chunky with multiple cuts of pork and beef, warmed by a subtle shake of nutmeg, and topped by both a scoop of house-made ricotta and a dusting of Parmigiano-Reggiano. There’s orecchiette that snuggles up to cubes of butternut squash and strips of Lacinato kale before being sucker-punched by Decker’s own heat-charged chorizo—a surprise that you have to assume would overpower the little ears, sweet-nutty squash, and sweet-delicate kale. Nope; crumbled, but left chunky enough to collaborate in a fine bite with the squash, and/or kale, and/or pasta, the chorizo revs up a plate that could be sleepy or (maybe) calm. I like excitement.

That same pizzazz is brought to Kara’s Mussel Pot, the genre she made famous in our state at A Toute Heure and again at the original 100 Steps. She built late autumn’s pot around meaty mussels and knuckle-size nuggets of chorizo, then tamed the sausage’s heat a tad by lacing a garlic cream sauce with saffron, mild Dijon mustard and skinny slivers of caramelized shallots. You’ll be given a spoon and you should use it to scoop up chorizo and mussels and sauce all at once. If you remember the Parker House rolls that were all the rage at the old A Toute Heure and 100 Steps, they’re here; though the mussel pots are served with crostini, I see no reason not to use the rolls as sop-up agents to that crazy-delicious cream sauce. Baby food? Maybe. But I loved it. 

I’m batting clean-up here with Decker’s fish dishes, but they’re hardly also-rans. One night, there was a black bass special, the fillet keeping its skin on and super-crisped as a counterpoint to the buttery mashed potatoes and the sultry roasted tomato coulis underneath. Another night, there was skate wing, looking downright gorgeous splayed atop white beans—punctuated by nibs of carrots, onions, and herbs, and topped with a taut kind of pesto dominated by green olives. Those meaty olives brought structure to the silky fish/ultra-creamy bean combo, but what made the dish a standout was a generous crown of toasted bread crumbs. Let me swap out “crown” for “tiara.” That’s a better fit.

Though the desserts at 100 Steps are well made, I was wishing for something citrusy or more fruit-focused in the lineup. That isn’t to say I didn’t cotton to the apple tartlet, with its admirably shortcrust, almond-infused cream filling and cleverly shaped cookie-like lid shielding the slices of apple, but this one’s about pastry, not fruit. A swell dome of chocolate sabayon fortified with chocolate dacquoise also benefits from that short dough base and gets a lift from a bright raspberry coulis. There was lots of oohing and ahhing at my table over the confection called The Colombian, a layering of chocolate mousse and dulce de leche interspersed with layers of chocolate dacquoise and encased in chocolate coating. I know… I’m a minority voter as a fruit-for-dessert lover. 

But I love Kara Decker’s cooking, and I love this new version of 100 Steps. I love the fact that this chef is unabashedly bold about flavor and constantly experiments, tweaking dishes from her past and trying out ingredients novel and even unexpected. I love the fact that, in defiance of custom, the reinvention of this restaurant doesn’t rely on pure nostalgia, but rather on fortifying its strengths and powering forward. 

 

100 STEPS KITCHEN + RAW BAR 

215 Centennial Avenue, Cranford Phone: (908) 276.0153 • 100stepsrawbar.com 

Major credit cards and reservations accepted. BYOB. Open for dinner and happy hour Wednesday through Sunday. Though 100 Steps does not have a liquor license, diners bring their own libations during happy hour, which starts at 4 p.m. and at which raw bar and menu items are served. Proprietor Jack Tagmouti and his team—including executive chef Kara Decker and manager/events director Rick Sue-Poi— produce private events at the restaurant, host collaborative dinners, and coordinate tastings that range from oysters to artisan foods and farm products.

Editor’s Note: With Chef Decker’s seasonally attuned menus, there are more wine-friendly dishes than ever on tap at 100 Steps. The next time you’re looking for an appropriate BYOB to try out your latest acquisitions, snag a reservation and load up your wine tote.

Dreams come to everyone, day and night. Think of all the children who dream of what they want to be when they grow up. Lady Gaga? Batman? A paleontologist? As a young boy, Werner Carl Burger declared that he wanted to be an Abstract Expressionist. The German-born painter never wavered from achieving his dream, no matter what the waking world had in store.

When Werner Carl Burger first began making art, he thought it was just something fun to do. “It was when I started teaching that I really felt something,” the Stockton resident recalls. “I wanted to be a guide and emphasize the intellectual aspects of art for my students, the history and philosophy, knowledge in general.”

And teach he did…for 40 years at Kean University. It was an honor, he says, to be a professor of art. Though Burger garnered numerous awards during his career, he never let it go to his head: “I see other artists’ great work at art shows and always wonder if I’m good enough.” When informed that Leonardo wrote that one moment he’d ask God’s forgiveness for being a lazy lout—and the next moment he’d think he was the greatest artist in the world—Burger roars with laughter. His work graces museums and public spaces throughout the U.S.,

including the Smithsonian Institution, the Philadelphia Museum of Art, and the Newark and Montclair museums. At 94, he is a major figure in the art community and, particularly, a New Jersey master. —Tova Navarra

 

New procedures & improved outcomes are among the game-changing strides in robotic surgery. 

By Erik Slagle

The future ain’t what it used to be, as Yogi Berra famously said. No one has a flying car, entire meals don’t come in pill form, and teleportation’s still not an option. Robots? Well, that one we’ve got…especially in the medical profession. They may not look like the droids from Star Wars or even the Jetsons’ beloved Rosie, but new advanced robotic systems have drastically improved surgeons’ ability to deliver top-quality care in performing some of the world’s most intricate, complex procedures. 

Operations that used to involve significant incisions (and unsightly scars) can now be performed through smaller, single-site entries. Patient blood loss is reduced and discomfort is often minimized—and without any compromise in favorable outcomes. What’s not to like? 

Dr. Mark Preston, an Obstetrician-Gynecologist at Trinitas’ Center for Advanced Pelvic Surgery since 2016, is one of thousands of providers around the country using robotic and laparoscopic equipment in their practices. “Robotic systems like the Single-Site da Vinci system facilitate treating more complex cases in a minimally invasive fashion,” he says. “They’re especially beneficial on cases that require precise, fine dissection and laparoscopic suturing. Also, recovery times are faster versus open surgery with large incisions, and less blood is lost. For the surgeon, the procedures are less physically demanding—the ergonomics are much better, as I can sit in a comfortable position and not have to stand in one place for more than an hour at a time.”

Less fatigue enables surgeons like Dr. Preston to expand their caseloads, meaning more patients can benefit from those faster recovery times and improved outcomes. Doctors can operate more aggressively as robotic systems allow better access within the surgical field. 

In the OB/GYN field, for example, the use of robotics has advanced how doctors treat conditions like endometriosis. The da Vinci system allows for unparalleled precision in identifying, lifting and excising lesions. In many cases, a one-time procedure with the da Vinci can clear a patient of all lesions and adhesions, saving their patient’s reproductive system. In the past, endometriosis treatments often meant a full or partial hysterectomy. 

Preserving organs and saving body functions are primary goals of systems such as the da Vinci. Providers in the fields of general surgery, cardiology, and endocrinology—to name just a few—are all making use of these new, advanced systems. Dr. Sergio Baerga, Director of Robotic Surgery at Trinitas, performs various kinds of surgery using the da Vinci system, such as the double hernia operation (above). “Laparoscopic surgery was an improvement, but there were limits that we are able to overcome using robotics,” Dr. Baerga said. 

For instance, in 2019, Trinitas-based ENT-Otolaryngologist Dr. Jonathan Cohen and his team performed their first radical tonsillectomy with Transoral Robotic Surgery (TORS), a minimally invasive procedure used to treat oropharynx cancers. TORS often eliminates the need for large incisions and division of the jaw bone that are sometimes required by traditional surgery. 

Robots are now key players in helping surgeons tackle aggressive cancers of the bladder, uterus, prostate, throat and more. Dr. Clarissa Henson, Chair of Radiation Oncology at Trinitas, touts the benefits of robotics-assisted procedures in combatting these cancers and lessening potentially harmful side effects of follow-up treatments. 

“We aim to increase the cure rate and quality of life for patients who can greatly benefit from minimally invasive surgery and targeted radiation,” Dr. Henson says. “Procedures such as the one performed by Dr. Cohen and his team reduce the space for radiation toxicity in muscles of the head and neck—that type of radiation is often required by traditional modalities of treatment.” 

How It Works 

With trained, talented surgeons at the controls, these robots are driving modern medicine into the future. The Single-Site da Vinci system allows a surgeon seated at a console to manipulate four robotic “arms” that can be rotated a full 360 degrees. The controls maneuver a camera and direct those instrument-equipped arms in cutting, holding, cleaning and coagulating all through a single or multi-port precise abdominal incision. 

The system not only allows for greater dexterity but also great visibility—up to ten times stronger magnification —than do traditional surgical procedures. And if a second surgeon is needed, there’s no need for that doctor to “scrub in;” they can simply sit down at an adjoining console and assess the surgical field. Also, adds Dr. Preston, “when there isn’t a laparoscopically skilled resident available to assist, the robot makes it easier to perform these procedures.” 

But the “how” behind these medical marvels may not be as important to patients as the “why”—and just about any way you measure it, it’s easy to see why robotics-assisted procedures are becoming the preferred option across the surgical profession. Trinitas continues to keep pace with the latest innovations, bringing state-of-the-art equipment into its Operating Theaters. 

“Patients need to know that we are diligently scouring the science of medicine to provide care at the forefront of our fields,” says Dr. Cohen. “Trinitas is on board with elevating the gold standard of healthcare.”

When your adult child is dealing with opioid addiction, it’s no time to be their friend.

By Krystyna Vaccarelli, LCSW, LCADC Trinitas Regional Medical Center

When a public health issue becomes a crisis, and then goes from being a crisis to an epidemic, it is human nature to look for a “magic wand” solution. What switch, we wonder, can be flipped to turn back the clock, return the genie to the bottle, to make everything manageable again? If we are talking about the opioid epidemic, unfortunately, there is no magic wand. And no one is immune, either. 

As the Director of the Substance Abuse Services at Trinitas Regional Medical Center, I know that there is no way to characterize that next person coming through our doors. It could be a 19-year-old who grew up in an environment of drug use, or a soccer mom from Short Hills who rolls into Paterson to buy heroin because the addiction has consumed her and the cost of illegal prescription pills is beyond her means. Socioeconomics plays no favorites where addiction is concerned; we’ve seen plenty of both. In fact, I can say with a high degree of certainty someone you know very well—but might never suspect—is in this predicament right now. The horrible piece of opioid addiction is that it is really easy for people to medication once your prescription has run out. 

Everyone we see in the Substance Abuse program is somebody’s son or daughter. So what if that next person is your child? If you are concerned that your child might become addicted to medication—and really, every parent should be—there are some common-sense things you can do. For children who are minors, parents should accompany them into the examination room and be part of the conversation during any doctor’s visit. Ask what the minimum amount of medication is that will be needed to treat a condition—not just opioids, but anything that could have negative consequences down the road. Don’t just sit in the waiting area. If you are concerned about your adult child, remember that being an involved parent is important regardless of your child’s age. You may not be accompanying your kids to doctor’s appointments anymore, but they still need the structure, rules, expectations, and guidelines a parent provides. These are the foundational elements in setting them up as functioning adults. 

I think a miscalculation many parents make is wanting to be a child’s friend once they hit those difficult ’tween and teen years. No one wants to be the bad guy and have to say No all the time, but does saying Yeah, Sure, Okay mean you love your kids more? That doesn’t make sense.

There will be time later on to be their friend. 

Once a child moves away from home, of course, the nature of your contact changes. However, you can still see or hear things no one else but an involved parent would. If you notice a change, you don’t have to be afraid of acting. The sooner a parent intervenes, the better the outcome will be. Go with your gut if something doesn’t seem right, or if you have some questions you feel you should ask. Believe it or not, particularly if you have been an involved parent, contributing to the medical decision-making process shouldn’t strike your son or daughter as unusual. So you shouldn’t be timid about saying, “Wow, 30 pills? Doesn’t that seem excessive? Did you question your doctor about this prescription? Please be careful. It’s easy to become addicted—don’t go outside the prescription.” I believe that is reinforcing an aspect of the relationship that has been there all along. Indeed, it’s a product of the good groundwork you started when they were small children: being educated and aware. Now you are passing that education and awareness to your children as they become adults. Even if you don’t have that type of relationship, you can still say, “Hey, don’t listen to me if you don’t want to, but please get a second opinion.” 

There is good research going on that is looking at people who might be more predisposed to becoming addicted to drugs than others—genetically predisposed, psychologically predisposed, perhaps a combination of both. That being said, we know quite a bit already from what we observe day-to-day in the Substance Abuse program. I cannot overstate how critical the family dynamic is in the big picture of the opioid epidemic—not just in recovery but also in the conditions that often surround addiction. 

We see generations of addicts in the same family come through the program. It may be a physiological predisposition, but it might also be the culture or environment of the family. That’s the interesting question: Is it one or the other, or both? Most people would say that it’s the environment. However, we sometimes treat members from the same large family that are dispersed—they don’t interact with one another on a regular basis. And yet all of them are receiving some form of treatment, typically for mental health or substance abuse. 

We also encounter a fair amount of fractured family situations in the patients we treat. That is why we offer family therapy, as well. A patient can come in and we will work with a parent or a spouse or a child as part of the program (everyone we treat must be at least 18, by the way). One of my frustrations is that we don’t get the level of involvement in this part of the program as I would like. Sometimes patients decline because they know that the family will provide a lot more information than they are willing to provide. Sometimes the family doesn’t want to come in. They have “compassion fatigue.” They are done emotionally, and maybe financially. The only upside is that maybe that’s a part of a patient’s rock-bottom, that they’ve lost everything and everyone, which means we can start building them up again. 

A significant part of what we do at Trinitas is relapse prevention. We counsel people on techniques for dealing with everyday stress, how to be able to function without drugs. We teach them how to work through it, but it’s always a work in progress. Does anybody learn how to deal with absolutely everything? No, of course not. And that’s something else we teach our patients: You have to work your way through life’s challenges to the best of your ability. When someone completes the Substance Abuse Program, they leave with a toolbox for coping with the stresses and triggers that result in a relapse. Their job is to take the tools we’ve given them, and then use them as they need them. 

The work we do here is face-to-face, both group and individual treatment. When you are talking to someone and looking them in the eye, it’s harder for them to walk away. You have a better ability to fully assess someone and pull all the information together. On the most basic level, say someone is sitting across from you and smells like alcohol. You’re going to know that. You wouldn’t know that if you were on the phone with them unless they were slurring badly. I do know that Trinitas is working on a telemedicine component. Is there a day coming when we will all be on screens in a circle talking to each other? Who knows? But human contact will always be vitally important. Our patients are vulnerable people looking for support. When someone is physically there for them, it means so much more. For that reason, we strongly advocate attending Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings, in addition to our program. AA and NA provide valuable support, too. 

We interact with as many as 800 people a week in the Substance Abuse program. If that sounds like a lot, then you are still not appreciating the size and scope of the addiction problem out there. One of our strengths, I believe, is that each person who walks through the door is assessed and evaluated as an individual; because there is no typical person who seeks drug abuse treatment. Some are here for the first time. We have people we have seen 10 times or more. Sometimes we are the last place people went for treatment and they come back to update us on how they are doing. We get young and old—again, as long as someone is 18 or older we can provide treatment. We’ve seen it all. I don’t think there is anything that would surprise us. 

For me, the job of Director is one I take personally. I call the people who come through this program “my patients”—because they are. I meet almost all of them when they begin the program. I am very much involved in the front-desk area during their intakes. I am one of the constants in this unit as far as the patients are concerned. They know who I am and I know who they are. We do clinical team meetings, where I absorb a lot of information about them and I am involved in the team decisions regarding each patient’s care. I run groups when needed. My job is to keep the program running at a high level, so it is different every day. But my role is always to support the clinicians and the patients throughout the process. 

When I took this position at Trinitas, I felt in many respects that I was led here. I have worked in this field for many years and am very passionate about what I do. I believe that everybody deserves a fair chance and an opportunity. If you want it, we’re here for you.

 

Addiction In Women 

Trinitas offers a Women’s Addiction Services Program, which is specific to women who have identified substance-abuse problems. In the program, patients learn how to deal with a wide range of women’s issues, as well as childhood trauma, anger management, and parenting challenges. The program has a small babysitting/childcare area with supervision for children 6 months to 12 years old, while their mothers are here seeking treatment. For more information, call (908) 994-7125.

 

Editor’s Note: Krystyna Vaccarelli, LCSW, LCADC has worked in the field of substance abuse and mental health for 20 years. She received a master’s degree in Social Work from Yeshiva University. Prior to coming to Trinitas, she was Director of Adult Outpatient Services and Addiction at Jersey City Medical Center. The Substance Abuse Program is located at the Trinitas New Point Campus at 655 East Jersey St. in Elizabeth. For more information on the program, visit trinitasrmc.org/a_nation_in_pain or call (809) 994-7090.

Room for Improvement: 2020 Edition

By Mike Marino

• I will be nicer to strangers, but will make up for it by being meaner to my children. 
• I will no longer “own” my lactose intolerance by doing unspeakable things in the dairy aisle. 
• I will be better about taking my Lipitor now that I know “salami hands” is not an actual side effect. I must have misheard something in the commercial. 
• I will stop pranking my father by substituting salt-free saltines for his Stella D’Oro cookies. I will stop pranking my mother by substituting Alexa for her blood pressure monitor.
• I will start believing in love at first sight so I can stop obsessing over girls who won’t give me a second look. 
• I will stop asking girls if they just saw my eye twitching. It’s not working as an ice-breaker. 
• I will also stop using Ron Burgundy’s pick-up lines. They don’t work in the movies and they don’t work in real life. 
• I will no longer leave small tips. My big tip for the year is that aged provolone is a horrible substitute for underarm deodorant. 
• I will refrain from flirting with cocktail waitresses— unless they live within a 50-mile radius of the club. 
• I will stop discussing my constipation issues with Vinnie, Nicky, Joey, Tony, Sallie and my mother—if they stop yelling “Can I buy a bowel?” whenever we all watch Wheel of Fortune. 
• I will not drink anything stronger than wine for lunch. However, lunch will now start at 10:00 am. 
• I will return all the crap I bought in the after-Christmas sales. I do not need a lawnmower. I don’t even have a lawn. 
• I will not ask the nurse, “Are my tonsils out?” when I wake up from my next colonoscopy. 
• I will stop asking people on the way out, “Do you need a colonoscopy…or do you just want one?” 
• I will no longer steal the little soaps in my hotel bathroom. However, lightbulbs are still fair game. 
• I will keep saying “at the hospital” instead of “at hospital” because I don’t want to sound like Tarzan. 
• I will not waste money on a gym membership. Wandering aimlessly through the house at 3 am is just the right amount of exercise for me. 
• I will stop telling other comics that I just signed a half-million dollar development deal with Netflix right before they go on stage—as soon as I get tired of watching the blood drain out of their faces. EDGE 

Editor’s Note: When Mike Marino isn’t touring, he can often be found working out of his folks’ house in Scotch Plains. For more about the Bad Boy of New Jersey Comedy—including upcoming club dates—visit him on the Web at MikeMarino.com.

If you’re renting a car…THAT is the question.

By Sarah Lee Marks

Renting a vehicle has never been quicker or easier. In many cases, everything can be done online or through an app, avoiding the line at the counter altogether. You’ve seen the commercial: No waiting…just pick the car you want and go. One aspect of the transaction, however, hasn’t changed. In fact, it may be even more complicated. It’s the dreaded Liability/Damage/Personal Injury Waiver—which no one wants to pay for or even think about…but some of us definitely should. 

The inclination for most is to decline this option. After all, between personal car insurance, credit card coverage and maybe even a homeowner’s umbrella policy, everything must be covered, right? Yes. Or no. Or maybe. In the end, it’s up to you to make that determination. And better to make it before something goes wrong than after.

Beth Hofgesang, an insurance agent with Arthur J. Gallagher in Whippany, suggests digging your auto policy out of whatever drawer or folder it’s in and reading it carefully before hitting the Decline button. Make sure you understand any exclusions as they relate to rental vehicles, as well as checking that your liability coverage actually extends to a rental. It’s time-consuming but well worth the effort. What if you just don’t feel like it?

“Then I usually recommend that my clients take the waivers and coverage offered by the car rental agency,” she says. “Their coverage includes loss of use, diminished value and allows you to walk in and get a replacement vehicle to continue your travel. Also, you avoid a claim against your own insurance, which will likely get you a premium hike over the next three-to-five years.”

If you do not own a car—or if your car is insured for less than the one you are renting—you should definitely take the rental car program, Hofgesang adds. “You can’t expect the insurance company covering your 1999 Jetta to pay a claim on your rented $150,000.00 Tesla.”

When you start reading the fine print on a waiver, you’ll likely notice that it is broken down into four types of coverage:

1. Collision or Damage: The average cost for this coverage runs $10.00 a day for your rental vehicle. Your fault or not, paying for it at the counter keeps you off the hook for repairs. Agents often push you to buy this added coverage by explaining your Loss of Use exposure. Loss of Use is the daily rental fee the company isn’t getting while the car is in the body shop. Diminished Value should also be included in this coverage. Diminished Value is the reduction in vehicle value as a result of damage to the car while you were renting it. You may have this coverage on your car, but be aware that a claim to your insurance for a rental car crash affects your insurance premiums just the same. If you do not have Collision coverage on your personal car, consider purchasing a separate policy to cover your rental car.
2. Liability Insurance Rental: agency liability coverage could cost as much as $18 a day for $1 million in coverage. If you have liability coverage on your own auto policy, skip this pitch.
3. Personal Injury or Personal Medical Accident Insurance: For as little as $6 a day, you and your passengers’ medical bills from injuries resulting from a car crash are covered. Be aware that you may have personal health insurance or medical protection on your current auto policy. If so, ask the car company how much the top dollar value is on this policy and compare it to your own, before adding the cost to your rental bill.
4. Stolen Property Coverage: Your homeowner’s policy covers items in your car, and by extension a rental car. Weigh the additional cost on your daily rental budget against the value of items that could go missing.

So what about credit card coverage? Yours may provide coverage for theft, collision, damage, tow and loss of use if you pay for the rental vehicle with your card. You may elect to take the rental company’s coverage if your trip extends beyond the coverage time limit of the card, or based on the type of car being rented. Check with your credit card supplier regarding limitations in the coverage before relying on the company to protect you. Ask if all drivers are covered, regardless of them being listed on the rental contract, or whether they are authorized users of the credit card. This is important information to know going into a rental if a spouse or relative or friend will also be driving and you’d like to avoid the “additional driver” fees. Rental car agencies want any driver using the vehicle to be listed on the agreement. If there is a crash with an unlisted driver, the damage waiver you purchase from the rental agency could be voided, leaving you with a fat bill or kicking it back to your own insurance.

What if you’re renting something other than a car for business or pleasure? This is a question few people ask. In most cases, moving trucks, trucks for hire from a place like Home Depot, and cars used for ridesharing or delivery services are not protected by the credit card company or your personal auto insurance policy. Also, coverage limitations are typical for exotic or luxury vehicles rented with your credit card, so know what they are.

If you’re that person who never rents a car, I’d like to congratulate you for getting this far in the story. And here’s your reward: If you are driving a loaner while your car is in the shop for repairs, you may be “renting“ without knowing it—at least from an insurance standpoint. You may be asked to sign a “borrowed car agreement” and the dealer will make a copy of your driver’s license and insurance card. Does that mean you are accepting the primary responsibility for insuring their vehicle in case of a collision, personal injury, loss of use and diminished value?

The answer is likely yes, unless you are specifically informed otherwise. Think about what might go wrong: Say they are tossing you the keys to a $30,000 loaner and you only have liability on your old car. You’ll be on the hook if there is a collision—even if it’s not your fault. Ask about the dealers’ policy before you sign anything. And if a crash isn’t your fault, be sure to collect all relevant information from the responsible party and obtain a copy of the police report. Failure to do so could land you with a huge repair bill and—even if your auto insurance covers the collision damage—you can expect a premium price hike after the claim. 

Renting Abroad

Leaving the country and thinking of renting? Start by applying for an international driver’s license well before your planned departure. Also, contact your insurance agent to determine what your existing policy covers. There are third-party carriers who can provide an international auto policy. These plans act as the primary insurer and are separate from your personal car policy.

Editor’s Note: Sarah Lee Marks is a car concierge and automotive consumer advocate for all things car-related. Sarah lives in Henderson, Nevada with her husband, Norman. You can ask her car questions at her website: www.mycarlady.com.