How did growing up in Union shape you?

I’ve thought about this, growing up in the tri-state area. I was in, like, the legitimate suburbs. Union was a town of 50,000 and had small-town suburban dynamics. I know a lot of people don’t think of New Jersey like that. But then, we were also 45 minutes outside of the city. So all of the news we got was New York City news. We didn’t have “local stations.” We heard everything that was going on in New York. I don’t want to say that it was more sophisticated, but you “got” what was going on in New York. That had an influence.

How much time did you spend in the city?

A lot of kids use to go in. I didn’t. New York scared me. This was the ’60s and ’70s. I remember going to Port Authority. It was disgusting. Forty-second Street was really gritty, dirty, with all the porno places. It just wasn’t my cup of tea. But I do think by growing up so close to New York, with a suburban vibe, it gives you a little bit of everything.

Were you a Jersey Shore guy in the summer?

Oh, yeah! I started out as soon as I graduated from college. When I got on the soap opera [Another World], my friend Gene and I got a house. Yeah, we were in Belmar and Point Pleasant. We had another one across the street from that guy who used to own the Giants, Timmy Mara. We went to Long Beach Island a lot. So yeah, we used to go there every summer.

What is your most vivid memory of growing up in New Jersey?

Playing sports. Whatever the season was. All I did was play sports when I was younger. I lived on a dead end street. Now they call them cul-de-sacs, but they’re dead ends. We were always being active and playing sports there. We used to play softball, basketball, baseball all the time.

You’re shooting a series this summer and fall in New York with Jennifer Lopez. Any plans to visit the old neighborhood?

I’m here for six months, from May to November, so I’ll definitely go back.

Any go-to spots?

I’ll tell you one thing, I still go back to certain places for food. There’s a great place in Union called Peterson’s [now The Galloping Hill Inn]. It’s a hot dog place. And to this day, every time I go to visit Gene, we stop and get a hot dog. Whenever I’m in New York, I’ll go and visit my best friends since third grade, Gene and Jules. Gene lives right behind a school where we use to play soccer and basketball. The area still has a small-town feel to it, so it seems like the same place to me.

Editor’s Note: Ray Liotta narrated the eight-part AMC mini-series The Making of the Mob: New York, which premiered in June. He was also a member of the all-star cast of the 10-hour Texas Rising miniseries, which premiered in May on The History Channel. Robert Piper conducted this interview. For more of Ray’s memories, log onto edgemagonline.com.

Jazz guitarist and composer Pat Metheny copped his 20th Grammy in 2013 for the album Unity Band. He’ll be performing at the Count Basie in Red Bank and at Town Hall in New York this March before embarking on a spring tour of Europe.

What excites you, what challenges you, when you pick up a guitar?

To me, the guitar is really just a translation device. While I am aware of the kind of cult-like thing that surrounds the instrument with guitar magazines, guitar collectors and people who are mostly interested in the instrument as a kind of iconic element in our culture, for me it is just a way to get ideas out into the air. Having spent now a huge amount of my life with a guitar in my hands, the connection between the musical ideas I have and the ability to execute them on the instrument is pretty complete—although I am always striving to make it better. The main thing for me, however, is the ideas themselves, more than the tool used to bring them out in sound. 

Where do newcomers to your work discover the “quintessential” Pat Metheny experience?

Live performance has always been the most important thing for me. I have taken making recordings much more seriously over the years. Early on, I saw it as kind of an “ad” to get people to come to the gigs  But I think live is the way to go, even though I also like the records.

Does performing live and touring get old…or is it an opportunity to take risks and explore?

Since improvisation is at the heart of everything I do, it makes each night have a whole new set of possibilities. Playing live night after night with great musicians is one of the great privileges of life for me.

Given how diverse and adventurous your music has been, is there a particular album or song that really gets to the heart of who you are?

It is hard for me to say. I feel like all the records are one long single record. Each is a chapter in a long single book. I have used different musicians along the way to get to different things, but each choice that I made— to use this person or that person, or to write this way or that way—has been in the service of getting to a central point that was kind of initially described on Bright Size Life and seems to still be at the heart of everything. 

When you’re assembling players for a project like the Unity Band, what are you looking for in the artists you choose?

Each project has kind of different demands, and I try to put together a group of musicians who can tell that particular story the best way it can be told. I like musicians who have a point of view and a developed sense of who they are as people. Also, I have to admit, it carries over to the things off of the bandstand, too— as the years have gone on and I have young kids at home, I like musicians who are adult and secure in who they are. My capacity for adults who act like children is pretty much zero at this point. But the main thing is the ability to listen. The degree to which someone is able to hear into each moment and respond to it in a deep and meaningful way regardless of what their role is, is the essential thing for me.

Editor’s Note: Editor-at-Large Tracey Smith actually squeezed an additional five minutes out of Pat in their Q&A. To read more about the Unity Band and the upcoming tour, log onto edgemagonline.com.

How soon after George Bush named Iran as a member of the “Axis of Evil” did you realize what a gift that was? 

I got upset at first! As an Iranian in America, I’ve been here now for almost 40 years. The moment I came, Iran was on the list of public enemies and it has remained there. Really, it’s pretty frustrating. Yet at the same time, it is a gift because comedy is about emotion and passion, as well as having a point of view. We watch a guy like Lewis Black lose his mind and it makes us laugh. I think when I got upset about it, it helped me then to be able to talk about it in a passionate way.

How important is it to take audiences out of their comfort zone?

I think it’s important to push a little bit, to make people be open-minded a little more, to open up their boundaries. I’ll cuss here and there, but my shows are not X-rated. I feel like somewhere in the back of my mind I’ve got my mother or father’s voice in my head criticizing me if I’m saying anything that’s even a little risqué. That said, when I do a headlining show, there’s obviously a lot of Middle Easterners in the audience, so when I make some type of [sexual] innuendo, I’ll make fun of the fact I know what my audience is thinking. It’s become a part of my act. I enjoy calling them out on it because I think, when you do that, it helps them come on the ride with you.

Maya Angelou said Don’t trust anyone who doesn’t laugh. Do you agree?

I do. And I feel sorry for anyone who doesn’t laugh. I’ll do a show for a cultural event that’s been sponsored by, let’s say, a Persian group, and so there are kids there and the elderly, and my material sometimes is a little edgy for them. Recently, a woman came up to me afterwards and said, “I just want you to know that people might not have been laughing because they were a little older and maybe they were just offended by some of the stuff you said.” I told her, “I appreciate you telling me that but I honestly feel that, if they’re offended by my stuff, I think they have bigger issues…and should talk those issues through with a therapist.”

When did you realize you had the ability to make people laugh?

Coming to America in the late-70’s when I was six years old, I remember there were three things that helped me adapt to the new country. One was sports—I was good at kickball and soccer. Another was that I would go grocery shopping with my mom and just buy a ton of sweets, and quite often I would take extra sweets to school and hand them out to my newfound friends. I was bribing my way into their hearts with Starburst. The third way, definitely, was being funny. I like laughing and I like making people laugh. And I stuck with it.

How did you develop your comic timing?

It probably started first as an actor. When I was 12 years old in school, we did musicals and I loved being on stage; as soon as I stepped on stage I felt alive. I was a huge fan of Eddie Murphy—to this day he is my comic hero. I wanted to be a comedian, but I just didn’t have the confidence then, so the actor part came first and the comedian part came second. EDGE

Editor’s Note: Maz Jobrani is a member of the Axis of Evil comedy group. He was born in Teheran and grew up outside of San Francisco. Jobrani plays Fawz in the CBS sitcom Superior Donuts, which was just picked up by the network for a second season. In all, Editor at Large Tracey Smith spent a good 10 minutes with Maz. So for 5 More Minutes with Maz, log onto edgemagonline.com. 

A Real Housewife of New York City

Does the presence of a video crew alter your family dynamics in any way?

I don’t think so. We signed on to do a reality show, so what you see is what you get. Watching the show when it airs does give you an interesting perspective on things, though. My husband and I have our standard arguments, but on the show you get to see both sides. Imagine having an argument with a friend or family member and then being able to watch it later…and seeing that he or she was right.

How much do you let your kids get involved in the process?

My daughter wasn’t even walking when we started, and now she naps, so my son is more involved. He has fun with it. So does everyone on the crew.

Photo by Nadine Raphael

Have you had to set boundaries for the show, is anything off-limits?

Not when it comes to the family dynamics. I’m not a shy person. I’ve got nothing to hide. People forget that it is realty—the show is about me, my family and my friends. There’s a lot of stuff that’s really fun. Sometimes, I wonder why people would want to see some silly thing we do, but the producers say, “No that’s what people love to see!” I think the only time I got really frustrated was having a camera in my face when we went Geocaching in Montana. But at that point I didn’t have a choice.

What are you doing for the holidays? Does the show have any say in those kinds of plans?

It’s up to us, not the show. My husband’s family is in California and mine is in Connecticut, so we usually split 50-50. We’ll do Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his this year.

You’ve started a fashion blog on your web site called Last Night’s Look. Are you thinking about that business in addition to your modeling?

My kids are beyond a full-time job, so not right now. I am really into makeup—I’ve started an exclusive nail polish line with Ricky’s NYC, and that’s been a really fun venture. And how great would it be to still be modeling in my 50s? Some women can do it. Actually, my secret dream is to be a TV host or newscaster. It’d be fun to experiment with that. Maybe you’ll see me as your local weather person some day. EDGE

Editor’s Note: EDGE and Kristen wish you a happy and healthy 2015! (Dress: ALEXIA ADMOR; Earrings: GREGG RUTH; Bracelet: SIMON G.; Shoes: STEVE MADDEN)

What’s the ideal mindset for someone whose future includes significant changes to their body and health?

Progress. That is the key. If you expect perfection, you only set yourself up to fail. Any progress, no matter how minimal, is a huge success. You have to understand that, not only are you not stagnant, but you are not going backwards. And that’s huge. 

What’s the greatest mental roadblock to making healthy changes?

Self-destructive behavior. When we engage in self-destructive behavior, it isn’t because we are weak, lazy or dumb. It’s because it affords us something—control, comfort, connection, et cetera. So giving up these bad habits represents a “loss” in another part of one’s life. That’s why it’s so difficult to do. And that’s why I try with my new app to offer a sense of community and support for people, along with personalized meal plans and exercise regimens. The app has been a year in development. It literally allows me to be your personal coach, trainer, and nutritionist.

What were your goals in developing the new app?

Making fitness and healthy eating affordable, accessible, fun, customizable and effective. There are over 550 different exercises, and hundreds of different workouts with different timeframes for people of all fitness levels. And it’s completely interactive. You can swap out exercises to personalize your workouts, increase or decrease the intensity at any time and it will respond.  

What’s a proper balance between going for immediate results and the “long game” in achieving fitness goals? 

Short-term wins add up to long-term successes. It’s about taking one step at a time.  

What types of goals do you set for yourself?

It depends. It could be personal improvement, like working on being more vulnerable. It could be a fitness goal, like running a 10K. It could be a business benchmark. The key is to keep moving forward and, even when we fail, learn from the past and look to the future. EDGE

Editor’s Note: The new Jillian Michaels app is available on her web site, jillianmichaels.com. Gerry Strauss conducted this Q&A with Jillian. Be sure to check out his interview with Hank Azaria, star of the IFC series Brockmire, on page 33.

Was there always music playing in your house?

There was. I was raised on music. My parents loved it. My brother, Adam, turned out to be the musician in the family. I was more interested in theater. My music training really didn’t begin until I was in college.

What was the turning point? 

I was in a musical at Brookdale Community College, near our home in Colts Neck. Three of the musicians in the pit were jazz musicians who taught courses there. I’d always loved jazz and, as I got to know them and learned about what they did, we discovered we had a mutual affinity for the genre. 

So that was your start as a jazz singer?

It was. These guys—Joe Accurso [piano], Gary Mazzaroppi [bass] and Doug Clarke [guitar]— took me under their wing and began bringing me out on gigs. Joe really helped me put my repertoire together and, through these guys, I got to meet and perform with jazz greats like Frank Vignola and Bucky Pizzarelli.” This was almost 10 years ago. They still play as a trio, and I still sing with them. They’re called Art Deco. 

In 2015, you were selected by WNYC’s Jonathan Schwartz as one of the performers at that amazing Sinatra 100 event in New York. 

Yes, I sang “Love Is Here to Stay” and “When Your Lover Has Gone.” I also did a medley of “I Got It Bad” and “If I Had You.” I enjoyed the challenge of blending those two songs, which express the unique dichotomy of love. One’s about being in love with someone who’s bad for you, while the other says I could do anything if I had you in my life. I tend to lean toward torch songs.

Do you have a favorite Sinatra song?

Wow, that’s difficult. One that stands out to me as being simple but poignant is “Guess I’ll Hang My Tears Out to Dry.” Early Sinatra is my preference, and that one is just beautiful.

You perform regularly at venues that are familiar to EDGE readers, including 100 Steps in Cranford and 16 Prospect in Westfield. What’s the difference between singing at smaller places as opposed to, say, Symphony Space in New York?

The thing I love about any live performance is the energy of the room. It’s all about the symbiotic audience-performer relationship. There’s an adrenaline rush you can ride in front of a big crowd, whereas the smaller spaces are more like an intimate conversation. It’s a rush, but in a different way.  

Editor’s Note: To view and listen to Audra Mariel’s recent performances—including her Sinatra 100 medley—follow the links on her web site audramariel.com. For her most up-to-the-minute appearance schedule, visit her Facebook page. Audra’s self-titled album is available as a download on iTunes. 

What were the holidays like in the Jerry Lewis home?
Christmas was another “shoot”—there was a 16mm set-up in the living room. There were lights, there was playback, we had our marks. It was a staged affair. We did retakes! We came in and missed our marks, and we did that a few times, then we got to open the presents and we were happy. [My father] was very serious about it. It was another production…everything was a production, on varying levels. Christmas was more staged than the others. But the cameras were always rolling.

You grew up in the mansion built by Louis B. Mayer. What stands out about that experience?
That home was another world. It was its own world. It could function as an island unto itself and it did for many years. The house was my father’s sanctuary. It was his one place to run.

It was loaded with electronics…
Mayer had installed a full Cinemascope theater in the living room and there was an audio mixing studio that my father worked in all the time. I think we found a certain amount of humor in the immensity of the electronic gadgets…and the ten color television sets. We learned to use those electronics to our own benefit—bugging friends and playing tricks and so forth—very James Bond-y. Dad put in an intercom system that had stations in every room. You could sit at any one station and turn on every room and hear what was going on. I figured out how to put a switch on mine so nobody could listen in. For me personally, that launched my interest in electronics.

What was it like seeing dad on the big screen?
He was just daddy to us as kids. Seeing him on television or on a screen made him bigger than life. There was always that disparity between the father we knew at home and the famous individual on the screen…I think a lot of the time we wanted him to be more like the person he was on the screen, who was happy-go-lucky and fun-loving and willing to be the brunt of a practical joke. That didn’t always happen at home. Yes, there where times when he was “on”—performing, juggling the dinner rolls and brownies, making us laugh,[but] it wasn’t consistent. There were times when he was very sullen and withdrawn. We just had to roll with it.

What do you remember about your father when he was filming The Nutty Professor?
I was only three, but I do remember. He came home in costume dressed as Buddy Love. He’d come home that way and he acted that way. I think that the whole purpose of the Buddy Love character was that it was a vehicle for him to vent some of the anger and frustration that had built up for so many years. There is a tremendous responsibility when you have to give to the public. You have to give everything of yourself to the public and take and accept whatever comes [back] to you. The Buddy Love character gave him a chance to push back a little. He did it on film, and he did it in a way that contributed to his finest work.
Editor’s Note: Anthony Lewis is a filmmaker and cinematographer based in Las Vegas. Special thanks to Anthony for his family archive photos.

When two people tie the knot, they never know for sure what’s over the horizon. Unfortunately, the outcome of many unions is not always “happily ever after.” As Vikki Ziegler knows all too well, sometimes love turns to hate. Her Livingston, NJ practice (Ziegler & Zemsky) focuses on divorce and mediation—a process designed to save time, money and anguish, and help couples to split and quickly move on. Ziegler’s reputation for finding the middle ground has made her a familiar face to countless millions of television viewers. She is a frequent contributor to network and cable news shows, has authored books and magazine articles about her craft, and founded the web site divorcedating.com. This summer, Ziegler begins work on a reality series for Bravo, which promises to boost her public profile even higher. As EDGE editor Mark Stewart discovered, there’s more to being a divorce mediator than divvying-up assets. Ziegler wears many hats. And sometimes she must change them in the blink of an eye.

EDGE: There are three ways to go in a divorce, is that correct?

Vikki Ziegler: Yes. If you go to court, a judge decides the outcome.

In arbitration, a retired judge or practicing attorney is hired, and lawyers control the discussion. A mediator assists in explaining the law and guiding couples to a resolution.

EDGE: Is part of what you do opening their eyes to how a judge is likely to rule?

VZ: That’s a crucial part. My goal is to show why it’s good to compromise on certain issues. It’s a tough-love process that requires patience and a skillful articulation of the law.

EDGE: If mediation is successful, it’s a win-win financially.

VZ: It is. You only pay the mediator, and can save the exorbitant fees associated with hiring two attorneys. Litigation is the most expensive and least effective method to handle a divorce, in my opinion. You have no control over the outcome, spend a great deal of money during the process, and are generally angry over the results.

EDGE: How does a couple pick a mediator?

VZ: Background. Experience. Referrals. Cost. Sometimes there is a preference for a man or woman. Most couples choose a family law mediator to help them through their divorce. They’re the most seasoned and know the law with specificity. A good mediator advocates for both sides, but also molds the resolution in a compromised fashion. I think of it as taking ingredients from both parties and creating a soup that they both enjoy—even if one is a health-nut and the other one a pizza-lover. I have a sense of how cases should settle, based on how a judge might rule, and on my knowledge of case law. I apply the facts surrounding a mediation and help drill down on the key issues in order to resolve them quickly and reasonably.

EDGE: What is the typical number of meetings it takes to resolve a divorce mediation?

VZ: I have settled cases in one session when a couple wants to get divorced and be open-minded. But I’d say two to five, depending on the complexity of the case. I have a large mediation now and we are on our eighth meeting. However, the parties are saving hundreds of thousands of dollars by mediating versus litigating.

EDGE: Is a good mediation one where both sides give in?

VZ: Yes. I always say a good deal is when both parties are unhappy. Nobody loses. Nobody wins. They have both sculpted a deal that is fair—one they can live with and live by.

EDGE: If the people can’t stand each other, mediation still works if they can each talk to the mediator. Is this a skill that you feel defines you in your field?

VZ: I think so. I act as the neutral third party, helping two people come closer to seeing eye-to-eye on the division of their assets. Sometimes the parties only respond to me, and not each other, which is fine. It keeps the acrimony low.

EDGE: Describe a couple that simply does not belong in mediation.

VZ: One that wants to fight. One that wants to argue about non-issues and small things. One that wants to inflict emotional and financial pain. In mediation, both parties must be ready to listen, be open-minded, let go of anger and look to the future. If they don’t have some of those qualities walking through my door, they’ll be battling it out in divorce court for a long time.

EDGE: When you sit down with a couple, obviously you want to make a quick evaluation of them to determine your strategy. How good are you at “reading the room” that first time, and what are some of the things you look for that tell you it’s going to be a hard mediation or an easy one?

VZ: At first glance, when I meet a couple, I can tell if they want to fight or want to move on. After practicing for 14-plus years, I am pretty good at determining whether or not I can help the parties, usually within a few minutes. I listen to the way they speak and observe whether they are looking at each other or not. I take note of who is screaming and yelling, how reasonable their positions are, how they sit in their chairs, and whether they are making eye contact with me.

EDGE: How important is it in that first meeting to help people separate their anger or hurt or confusion over a failed marriage from the process of mediation? You almost have to play therapist in that respect, right?

VZ: I do wear two separate hats. The first is to explain that the courts don’t care about what went wrong in their marriage; it’s about dividing assets. I ask people to do their best to shelve their emotions during the process and to look at the case as if it were a business deal. Of course, that’s very difficult when love turns to hate. I have to drive home the idea that holding on to ill feelings will not help promote settlement or assist them in moving on to the next chapter in their lives.

EDGE: Mediators can give legal information but not legal advice. So if you see someone being completely toxic or lying about money and assets, how do you handle that?

VZ: I usually caucus—separate the parties and counsel, if they have representation present—and explain to the bullying client that he or she will not win in my office by behaving in a forceful manner. If a litigant lies, well, mediation cannot work. It must be an open and honest process; all the cards must be on the table. Mediation is supposed to be an environment where both parties are on a level playing field and have the mindset to resolve their entire case globally. The mediator takes the litigants’ words at face value. There is no oath taken—it is an informal process where both parties must be up-front about all of their income and assets for the mediation to be successful.

EDGE: You’ve been making television appearances for seven years now, on both news and entertainment shows. Is the Bravo series the first one that’s come to you?

VZ: No. I’ve mulled over other offers in the past, but they were not the right fit. This opportunity is a perfect match for me, the couples and the viewers. I’d shied away with my personal life being on the air, but it is part of the storytelling. I understand there is a recipe for success in TV—viewers need to understand what makes you tick, what makes you love what you do, what makes you successful at what you do—and that means granting access. In this series, it will be 10 percent personal life and 90 percent my professional life. As much as possible, the focus will be on the couples.

EDGE: Even so, there is always that aspect of being at the mercy of the editing room.

VZ: That is always a challenge. I always have to protect my integrity and my reputation. But working with professionals makes my life much easier.

EDGE: So why stick your neck out?

VZ: This series will educate a huge, mass audience on how to get divorced in an intelligent and less-emotional way. I love television. I enjoy being on the air, and I think it comes naturally to me. And helping people is who I am and what I’m all about. It’s the perfect marriage for me. No pun intended.

Editor’s Note: Vikki Ziegler Payne is a founding partner at the Livingston firm of Ziegler & Zemsky LLC. After graduating from the University of Rhode Island and the Quinnipiac College School of Law, she returned to her home state of New Jersey to clerk for judge Michael Diamond in the Family Division of the Superior Court in Passaic County. While under his tutelage, Ziegler began honing her skills as a mediator. To date, she has settled 99 percent of her cases. Ziegler authored Your Pre-Marital Survival Guide and The Pre-Marital Planner. Her official web site is vikkiziegler.com.

On Thursday nights in America, life simply stops for somewhere between 10 and 20 million television viewers as they settle in for the newest episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Sandra Oh is a major reason why. As Dr. Cristina Yang, she plays opposite the series’ title character, Dr. Meredith Grey, who is portrayed by Ellen Pompeo. They lead an ensemble cast that has become a second family to fans since the show first aired seven seasons ago. As J.M. Stewart discovered in this interview, Oh’s knack for creating signature characters (think Arli$$ and Sideways) comes from an astonishingly honest place. Sandra’s greatest talent, however, may be the ability to keep her head and value her craft in a world where performers are measured by SAG Awards and Emmy Nominations. Of which she has plenty, by the way.

EDGE How was it conveyed to you that Grey’s Anatomy was a different kind of medical drama?

Courtesy of Upper Case Editorial Services

SO: It was never said or expressed formally. The writers and [series creator] Shonda Rhimes found a way of telling this story that just worked. It is basically a classic storyline. There are five acts, each person has a medical issue, and a lot of the time these medical issues reflect what is going on with the characters. I will say, like, at minute 47 you’re going to cry. There’s something about our show that makes people cry. People have a lot of emotional release watching our show. One thing that the show does well in a stylistically different way from any one else’s, is its ability to do comedy and high drama at the same time—within a scene, or within an episode. I think it’s really skillful.

EDGE So when Katherine Heigl’s character, Izzy, lost her husband, we see her baking copious amounts of muffins.

SO: Yes. The way that Izzy deals with her grief is by baking and baking and baking. Inherently, you have a lot of comedy in that. You sustain comedy, comedy, comedy, and then you drop in for the painful truth of it. There has always been that great mix.

EDGE What aspects of the Cristina Yang character are different from you personally?

SO: Cristina Yang is not as emotionally intelligent as I think I am. She is emotionally stunted and anti-social. I don’t consider myself to be either of those things. This is why I wanted to play her so much. Now, as a result of her friendship with Meredith, Cristina has changed. But during the first three years, Cristina was extremely cold emotionally. She had very little compassion or understanding of interpersonal dynamics. I thought that was really interesting to play. My character was so deep in her head. But I felt that she has always been very fair, and compassionate in her own way. Fairly recently, a person said to me, and this was someone I didn’t know, “I really like Cristina. She’s really compassionate.” And, I thought, “Thank you! Thank you for saying that, because it’s totally true! She is compassionate in her way because it comes from a place of fairness.” It’s what I’ve been trying to build for the past 8 years. Cristina is this unfriendly, driven, cutoff person, but has the capacity for compassion.

EDGE Cristina’s tenacity in her work, do you share that?

SO: Tenacity is probably the clearest commonality between Cristina and myself. Also a sense of purpose. It’s not just about overcoming the obstacles of life, but finding a different or clearer perspective of one’s purpose, which in turn makes that tenacity possible. For me, it wasn’t a “choice”, just more of a sense of purpose. Yes, there were obstacles—whether it be the expectations from where my parents wanted me to go, or from people in the industry who said that I was different. The point is not the obstacles themselves, but the sense of purpose that kept me going. That’s the same tenacity that Cristina has—no matter what, she is driven and clear on what it means to be a cardiothoracic surgeon. Nothing is going to stop her from getting there.

EDGE After hiatus is it hard to jump back into Cristina?

SO: Yes. But it’s not so much Cristina. It’s just going back to work. A part of me wants to say No, it’s easy, that it’s muscle-memory. For example, on Arli$$, for Rita, all I had to do was put on those heels—you know, the “costume”—and then the physicality would come back. The comedy would be there because it had so much to do with the physicality.

EDGE You mentioned emotional intelligence. Which Grey’s Anatomy character would you say has the highest EQ?

SO: It’s got to be Bailey or Meredith. Meredith? I’d say Meredith. Cristina would score low on that. Meredith. Meredith one, Bailey two.

EDGE In the movie Sideways, there were four charismatic actors making a very strong movie. Does that make it harder to nail a scene, or easier?

SO: Easier! If you’re working with great actors who also happen to be wonderful people—because that’s not always the same thing—it’s easier. That was definitely one of the highlights of my career. Everyone was good. Every crewmember, every actor, everyone was working at 100 percent. It was a good time, and you can tell on-screen that everyone was having a good time, not just the actors.

EDGE Did you have any idea how well received that movie was going to be?

SO: No, not until I saw Merlot plummet—I really do feel that movie helped to put Pinot on the map!

EDGE Did you know how to ride a motorcycle before you got the part of Stephanie?

SO: I had to learn it and I was terrible at it. I think I almost killed people. At least the scene where I ride off and Thomas Hayden Church is on the back of my bike, I nailed that scene. You only have to nail it once.

EDGE Have you been on a motorcycle since?

SO: No. I would not trust myself on one.

EDGE At that point in your career, most people had known you as Rita, the beleaguered assistant in the HBO series Arli$$. Between the cast and the various sports celebrities on the show, it must have been a crazy set.

SO: My boyfriend at that time would come home and I would tell him who I’d worked with that day and he was like WHAT! I didn’t know anything about sports. All I knew was that some famous sports person was coming into town and there’s a lot more people on set.

EDGE Someone really tall must be a basketball player…someone really big must be a football player….

SO: Seriously, it was like that.

EDGE Did any of them demonstrate any acting ability?

SO: Not that I remember. Professional athletes are athletes, they are not actors. Maybe Laila Ali. I had a scene with her, and she was good.

EDGE Some actors develop characters from the outside-in, and some actors go from the inside-out. Which way do you create your characters?

SO: Probably inside-out. But you have to be able to do both. For example, I have to pretend to be a doctor and that’s all outside-in. That has to do with practicing cutting, and handling the surgical equipment and things like that. My experience as a dancer really helped at outside-in, because you learn through the body how to connect to the character.

EDGE Your first major role was playing Evelyn Lau in the film The Diary of Evelyn Lau. It must have been brutal playing such a tortured soul when you were so young yourself.

SO: I put myself through a lot to play that character. I slept for two months after filming. I had no idea how to control my output. So, I gave everything. It had to do with a lack of experience. Those were the early days. I didn’t know yet that, if one continues giving like I did with Evelyn Lau, one is going to have a breakdown. I have much more skill now. That goes back to the whole inside-out, outsidein thing, being able to build a character more from the outside-in. Evelyn Lau was definitely inside-out. I think for one’s health—both physical and mental—if you have to play a Thai prostitute who is a drug addict, a young actor might think, “Oh, I really have to be a prostitute and do drugs.” No, you don’t. You can just act it. That was the most important creative experience of my life.

EDGE Is fame anything like you thought it was going to be?

SO: No! Can I tell you? Honestly, it was probably one of the most traumatic events in my life. And, ultimately, I think it’s detrimental to being an artist. There’s a lot of struggle. If you want to be famous, awesome! But if you want to continue being an artist, I think fame is a hindrance.

EDGE Why?

SO: Your ability to be authentic is compromised. Fame is detrimental to one’s true artistry because that artistry comes out in the privacy of one’s being with one’s soul— when your soul feels safe in its surrounding to be free, to be authentic. Fame is a heavy, heavy cloak. In my case, I had a tremendous amount of struggle around that feeling of “threat.” There was a period of time when people would be sitting outside my house. How you manage that feeling of threat can go everywhere. It can go into your relationship, go into how you see yourself, and it can go into bad behavior because you start losing control over your privacy in your life. Yet no one’s pointing a gun at you. There’s no one actually “threatening” you. So at the same time you feel like your feelings are unjustified. I’ve thought about this a lot and I have no idea how people who are really famous are able to live and walk around, because they can’t just walk around. I feel that people—especially young people—cannot possibly comprehend the consequences of fame, of not being free. You have to manage your relationship with fame so you can continue to work and still be in the public eye. A lot of people can’t handle it and they leave.

EDGE How has the smartphone generation changed the nature of fame?

SO: Exposure has increased so much. When someone takes a photograph of you when you don’t want them to, it’s denying you “choice.” Because you’ve reached a certain status, you don’t get to have the right to protect your privacy, to not be followed, to have a big fat fight with your spouse in public without it being revealed.

EDGE Fame happened for you organically. You weren’t seeking celebrity, yet that is what you have to deal with now.

SO: It makes me kind of furious that somehow “actor” became synonymous with “celebrity.” I’m a crafts person. I’m an artist. And somehow my total is lessened because of celebrity.

EDGE What’s your take on the roles that are available for women today?

SO: For women, television is our most powerful medium. There are more parts on television for women, and more opportunities for people who are interested in telling a story about a woman. Our show, it’s a woman’s show. Kiera Sedgewick’s show, The Closer, is a woman’s show. Nurse Jackie is centered around Edie Falco. Weeds is centered around Mary Louise–Parker. United States of Tara is centered around Toni Collette. Female cop shows, female buddy shows—there’s more opportunity for women in television. I think that’s a place we need to continue developing. Also, as a woman who is non-white, television has been better for me than film.

EDGE Twenty years ago the ratio of quality male to female roles was around 20:1. How would you explain the up-tick in the number of women’s roles in television?

SO: It must have something to do with the rise of women’s economic power. Classically, women run the finances of the house. If you are in the period of time when you have the most money, let’s say 30 to 50, chances are you’re building your family, so you spend a lot of time at home. You don’t go out. If women are watching television and you want to sell stuff to the household, then you sell it to the woman. That’s what is driving this change. That’s where the industry has more interest and support to do shows that are centered around strong female characters. And the rise of the stronger female character is more prevalent in television than in film. Film is basically all rebooting comic books, and all action movies—it’s about men…plus a young, pretty girl.

EDGE Is there nobility in your industry?

SO: Of course! The business has artists in it; it can’t run without artists. It can’t run without the people who are coming up with the ideas. And there are people who are not on the creative side, who are on the business side, who strive to work with dignity and fairness. Sometimes people slam this town. I’m not saying that all artists are noble—because, lord, they are not—or have integrity. But the best of the best people live in this town. They are creative people who produce great work, who live here and have a strong work ethic. Nobility does exist, but what’s more important is that you make it exist.

EDGE You’ve talked in the past about going into the arts when your parents had hopes for a career in science or medicine. What is your advice on how parents should handle a child saying thanks for the education, but I really want to be in the arts?

SO: Good luck (laughs). I’d say you challenge them on why they want to go. I have a feeling, based on a lot of things going on in this society and pop culture, that the desire to be famous is pushing a lot of kids into either singing or wanting to be in the movies. That’s all fun and good; people come into this business for a bunch of reasons. But it’s so hard to be in the arts. I‘ve always said to people, “You are going to be miserable. Choose whether you’re going to be miserable doing it, or whether you’re going to be more miserable not doing it.” Try to reach out to see what the true motivation is for your child to leave everything behind to pursue the arts. If it’s real, there is nothing you can do to stop it. There was nothing my parents could do to stop it. So don’t challenge them on doing it, just ask Why? If the answer is To be famous, then they could be wasting their youth, their beauty…and chasing a big, empty ghost for a long time.

Editor’s Note: J.M. Stewart lives and works in the Los Angeles area. She interviewed Joe and Gia Mantegna for EDGE last fall.

In real life, fairy tales don’t always have happy endings. Young and dashing David Goldman was a model in Milan when he met and married a lovely Brazilian woman named Bruna Bianchi. Life was good in their Tinton Falls home, especially after the arrival of Sean in 2000. Everything changed four years later, however, after Bruna took Sean on what was supposed to be a brief family visit to Rio di Janeiro. She ended their marriage with a phone call and refused to return, triggering years of agonizing custody litigation in a foreign land. Though her marriage to David was never legally dissolved in the U.S., Bruna married João Paulo Lins e Silva, scion of a powerful family that had provided legal advice to the country’s elite since the 1800s. Bruna and João produced a baby girl (Sean’s halfsister), but Bruna died from childbirth complications. The legal battle only intensified when the family sought to keep Sean in Brazil. In his book A Father’s Love: One Man’s Unrelenting Battle to Bring His Abducted Son Home, David delivers a heart-pounding blow-by-blow of his remarkable battle to win Sean back. EDGE Editor Christine Gibbs welcomed David Goldman into her home this summer, and rediscovered the very human side of a drama that had been played out in newspaper headlines and cable news reports for more than a half-decade.

EDGE: Describe Father’s Day seven years ago.

DG: On Father’s Day 2004, I had just learned that Sean had been abducted by his own mother, my wife, Bruna. Actually, I don’t even want to remember it as Father’s Day that year. That was the first of many holidays that came and went while he was away. I treated each one as if it was just another day. I tried to keep busy and to keep going.

EDGE: Was there a moment when you thought that you might never see your son again?

DG: I never had that moment, and that’s what kept me going. I always believed that we would be together again. However bleak that hope was at times, I never stopped hoping and believing in something that was so true and so right that it would have to happen. It had to happen. I would not give up until it happened.

EDGE: Did the fact that Sean was with his mother and her family give you any comfort?

DG: Well, yes. I knew where he was. I knew that they would take care of him better than if he had been abducted by strangers. Yes, absolutely. But he was mostly with his grandmother, not his mother. In fact his grandmother recently admitted that Sean had lived the whole time with her and not his Mom. I’m still trying to piece things together. It seems that, to some degree, it was Bruna’s mother who was obsessed with our son, and with Bruna’s returning to Brazil. And Bruna could not go back home without her son; what would people think? It was always about image. I wouldn’t say it was exactly “comforting,” but at least I knew that Sean wasn’t someplace that I might never find him.

EDGE: Eventually, you had to deal with Sean’s stepfather— and his wealthy and influential family.

DG: That’s where it became even more concerning. Bruna and I were never even separated in this country—let alone divorced—so I will never consider him as a “stepfather.” This man is a second abductor in my opinion. That family had a sense of entitlement and narcissism that made them feel they were a powerful Goliath in Brazil. So how dare some Gringo, an American fisherman from New Jersey, take them on and drag them through such a mess by fighting against them! Even when I realized how powerful the family was, it didn’t shake me. I don’t know why. Wait, I guess I do know why. I always believed that the rule of law—the rule of God’s law and man’s law—was on our side. I just had to keep standing in the light of truth.

EDGE: It’s almost a cliché that Americans can’t get a square deal when they are fighting in an overseas courtroom. What were some of the frustrations you experienced in your legal battles in Brazil?

DG: According to the terms of the Hague Convention Treaty, an abducted child must be returned within six weeks in order to disrupt the child’s life as little as possible. I immediately approached the Brazilian Central Authority about this, but they refused to file under the Hague Treaty in order to help me as the left-behind parent. After several weeks of no action, I felt forced to hire a Brazilian lawyer, at which time the BCA said that the matter was now out of their hands. Basically the BCA was complicit in the kidnapping.

EDGE: And possibly there was gender bias.

DG: Yes, there was one judge—who wore rock-star sunglasses in court—who stated that she had just lost her own mother and, although she didn’t know the facts of my case, that “the child always belonged with the mother.” She admitted beforehand that that would be her decision and she would back into it somehow. It was ludicrous and offensive. People were even serving coffee to the lawyers and judge right in the courtroom. The lack of decorum throughout my many hearings in Brazilian courts was astounding and so was the attitude and the decisions of some of the judges.

EDGE: Who turned out to be the biggest help to you here in the U.S.?

DG: There were so many people, like my long-time friends Mark DeAngelis and Bob D’Amico, whose support was invaluable. Obviously New Jersey Congressman Chris Smith was just incredible. He went right into battle with me by getting on a plane and flying with me to Brazil. Both of my attorneys dotted every i and crossed every t. They couldn’t control the judges, but they did use the law to our benefit. They closed every door they could and nailed each shut because we were up against some very slick opposition who would slither under any door if they could. Obviously, Senator Frank Lautenberg and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton—just coming on TV and speaking about my case— that was unbelievable. Help came from as high up as President Obama. The people from Dateline on NBC and our local New Jersey media pitched in. I couldn’t possibly pick one as being greater than the others. Every bit of help was important. Remember, we eventually got Sean out of there, but only barely by the skin of our teeth.

EDGE: At what point in this almost six-year process did you sense that things might be breaking back your way?

DG: As unfortunate as Bruna’s tragic passing in childbirth was, it gave us—Sean and me—a second chance at life together. It was at that point that not only was Brazil breaking its own law, but also American law and international law. They would have had to change their own constitution regarding custodial rights, since Brazilian law clearly stated that custody was to go to the fit and surviving parent. Once they started breaking their own laws, well, that was when I really and truly believed we could win.

EDGE: Have all the loose ends been tied up, or are there still unresolved issues that require your attention?

DG: Unfortunately they’re not all resolved. The family is still appealing to overturn the decision that returned Sean home to America. They want to have him returned to Brazil, especially his Grandmother. Bruna’s Brazilian “husband” has even sued me on behalf of Sean’s half-sister Chiara. They’ve opened up lawsuits in both countries. Although Sean’s Brazilian grandparents have claimed all they ever wanted was to be allowed to visit, what they were really after was shared custody. They continued to refuse to acknowledge that this was Sean’s home and that, as his Dad, they should support me. While with them in Brazil, he wasn’t even allowed to call me Dad or to hug me when they finally let him see me. Fortunately, Brazil has now made parental alienation a crime. Ironically, Bruna’s Brazilian “father-in-law” was actually lecturing on how a child can be turned into an attack missile against the left-behind parent—even while that family was guilty of doing exactly that!

EDGE: How would you assess the performance of your legal team, the Brazilian media and the Brazilian public?

DG: I’d have to give both my lawyers outstanding grades for their due diligence, their knowledge of the law, and their teamwork. Patricia Apy, my American counsel, is brilliant in this field. Her legal expertise and determination to advocate for her client is amazing. And Ricardo Zamariol, at the age of 23 or 24, faced off with some powerful opponents in Brazil. The Brazilian media were very, very biased. They tried to make it into a nationalism issue by supporting the kidnappers. Much of the truth finally did come out, but it was amazing how distorted the reporting was. Apparently, the families had some close connections with some of the big media networks. The Brazilian public, in the beginning, was inundated with slander and lies, but once the truth started getting through, the public identified with me as victim even though I was an American. Many of them had been personally victimized by the privileged and powerful in high society. They finally realized that I was one of them. They recognized the miscarriage of justice when they finally could see it. They knew how wrong it was to separate a parent from his child, especially when I was the only surviving parent.

EDGE: What do you hope Sean comes away with out of all of this?

DG: I hope, first of all, that he can grow up in a normal and loving environment as any parent would—that he hasn’t been too scarred by underlying issues. He’s been through way too much already. Losing his Mom had to be tremendously painful, especially at age 7. I want my child to grow up to be thoughtful, caring, considerate, enlightened…but all in good time. Right now my focus is for Sean to be an 11-year-old boy doing ordinary things—going to camp, playing ball, joining a swim team, going to the Sandy Hook beach. I want to instill in Sean good values— honesty, humility, gratefulness, and sincerity. The exact opposite of the values he was taught while in Brazil.

EDGE: What lessons will you carry with you going forward?

DG: To never give up hope, especially when you know that what you’re doing is so right. You have to keep going. You have to keep carrying that torch of hope forward. In all cases like mine, the suffering is not on the part of the parent alone. It’s shared by everyone who is close to the abducted child. So I want to continue to carry that torch—through our Bring Sean Home Foundation—to make change for the better really happen for others like Sean and me.

EDGE: What has been the easiest part of the transition back to life with Sean?

DG: Just doing routine, mundane things together at home, like sitting down and watching TV or playing a video game, playing catch, doing homework.

EDGE: What have you found to be the most challenging?

DG: Some of the most challenging part comes from certain learned behavioral traits that Sean picked up while he was in Brazil, such as avoiding accepting responsibility. Most kids will make some excuses at one time or another, but Sean sometimes takes it to a level well beyond his years. It’s just too mature. So I spend a lot of time trying to determine what is normal for an 11-year-old and, what is a byproduct of Sean’s special situation—which included a good deal of brainwashing. The picture they painted of me, of New Jersey, of America, was obviously not true. When he came home, he saw reality—so much love, so much patience, so much understanding from me, from his grandparents, from the community. Having been told horrible lies for five long years, the reality was shocking.

EDGE: In your book you also talk about the challenge of setting parameters. How does that apply to Sean?

DG: Sean had lived an adult lifestyle with his grandparents— staying up late, getting up late, going out socially with adults, and so on. I have been working on getting him back to being a child again.

EDGE: And how is that going?

DG: Once Sean opened that curtain to his childhood, he just wanted to go right back to being a kid again. He’s learning to let go of the adult behavior and mannerisms. He wants to be a kid as much as I want to be his Dad.

EDGE: How did you celebrate this past Father‘s Day?

DG: We went out on our boat along with Sean’s Pop-Pop, who has said to me that not only did he get his grandson back, but he got his son back, too. Now that Sean is back, every day is Father’s Day for me.

Editor’s Note: David Goldman has testified before Congress and is continuing his effort to eliminate child abduction injustices around the globe. For anyone facing the ordeal of an abducted child, bringseanhome.org offers support, advocacy options, and a summary of ongoing legal activity in this field. A Father’s Love: One Man’s Unrelenting Battle to Bring His Abducted Son Home (Viking $26.95) was released this past spring.

Some athletes seem destined for stardom before they reach their teens. Others blossom in adolescence or soon after. And then there are those fascinating few whom stardom kind of “creeps up on”—taking them, their fans, their friends and family, and even their sport, largely by surprise. David Clarkson is okay with being one of those athletes. The high-scoring star of the Devils was a major reason why they made it all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals last spring, yet it wasn’t too long ago that he was undrafted and ignored by all 30 professional hockey teams. That kind of career arc tends to ground a guy in reality. It also enables him to savor the sweetness of success. EDGE Editor Mark Stewart grabbed Clarkson after a recent practice at the Prudential Center and talked about the Toronto native’s design for living. Turns out it hasn’t changed much since he was scrapping for a spot on an NHL roster. Clarkson takes it one day at a time, finding subtle ways to improve, enjoying life’s little pleasures and appreciating every new day.

Photo credit: Bruce Lowe

EDGE: Consistency is such an important part of an athlete’s life. Not just on the ice after the puck drops, but before you even get to the rink. What are some of the things you do on game day that keep you in a consistent rhythm?

JC: I’d say that I’m pretty superstitious. For the past five years, I’ve stopped at Starbucks on the way to every single home game. It’s part of my routine. I get my sticks ready at a certain time, I get a massage at a certain time. There are a lot of little things I do to prepare. I think it helps me relax and keep my mind off of details that aren’t related to the game. It’s also that, as you said, athletes are very routine-oriented people. When things are going well, a lot of us tend to do things like eat the same meal the night before games. If it worked once, why change?In terms of routine, on game day we usually have a morning skate, then I’ll go back home to West Orange and see my two-year-old daughter McKinnley for a little bit, take a nap after lunch, and head out to the game.

EDGE: What’s the meal you ask for at home when you’re in a groove?

DC: My wife, Brittney is a great cook and baker. I’m very lucky in that department. She makes this chicken with capers in an amazing sauce. I love that.

EDGE: What about when the Devils are on the road? Do you look for the same things on the menu, or do you experiment with local specialties?

DC: I might try something different for an appetizer, but I like to stick to the same entrées before games. Steak, for sure. And sometimes I’ll see what kind of fish is on the menu.

EDGE: What do you watch on TV?

DC: I grew up a huge Seinfeld fan. That’s one of my favorites. Lately I’ve become a big fan of Dexter and Homeland. And How I Met Your Mother.

EDGE: What’s on your iPod?

DC: Every kind of music. My dad was born in Scotland and my mom is Irish, so I have a lot of Rod Stewart on there. But a very wide range of artists, I’d have to say. I love music.

EDGE: Was it weird not playing hockey this fall?

DC: It was. Still, you try to make a positive when something bad happens. So I used that time to train more and get stronger. And I ended up going over to Austria and playing for a little bit. But you know, after the run we had to the Stanley Cup Finals last spring, we were all pretty banged up and tired. I liked being able to relax and see my daughter grow up. We travel a lot as athletes, so that time I got to spend with my wife and daughter was special. By the end, though, I think Brittney was sick of me being at home.  She was looking at the calendar wondering when I’d be getting back to work.

EDGE: A lot of our readers send their kids to hockey camp. What is David Clarkson’s great hockey camp story?

DC: I went to Brendan Shanahan’s hockey school as a kid. He was someone who played the game hard, and at the end of each camp they would hand out a stick for the player who’d worked the hardest. I got it one year—my dad still has that stick! But I was like any kid at a camp, dreaming about being here in an NHL locker room one day. I never thought I’d make it, of course, so it was pretty special just to be around those guys at that time in my life.

Photo credit: Bruce Lowe

EDGE: You’d been on the Devils roster a couple of seasons when Shanahan joined the club in 2009 at the age of 40. Did he remember you as a camper?

DC: No. I had to show him pictures of me at the camp—when I was really, really little. He told me if I ever showed anyone else those pictures I’d be in trouble!

EDGE: This is your second time playing for the Devils’ coach, Peter DeBoer. Besides the fact you’re both older and wiser, has anything changed in a decade?

DC: No, he’s always coached the same, structured hockey. If you stick to his system, to what he’s preaching, you’ll be successful. I won a Memorial Cup with him in 2003 in Juniors and last year we went to the finals. So I think what he does with a team shows in the results. Where he goes, success follows.

EDGE: You’re one of the few stars in the NHL that went overlooked in the draft. How did the Devils discover you?

DC: Pete had a lot to do with it. I was 20, 21 years old and no one had drafted me. I didn’t know what was going to happen next. I had been to a couple of tryouts that Pete had arranged, but no one was really sure if I was good enough or tough enough. I think that pushed me harder to prove myself. I played one more year for him, and then the Devils and a couple of other teams called, and the Devils saw something and signed me. It just goes to show, it pays to work hard and do the little things well.

EDGE: What changed in your game to make you a goal-scorer last year, and even more so this year? Is that work you do in-season or during the off-season?

DC: It’s a very wide range of things. As an athlete you can never be happy with where you are. You always try to get better. Having a coach who put me in situations where I had to produce helped me, too. Pete believed in me. But I think in the summer, you have to go home, figure out what you want to get better at, and really work on it.

EDGE: When you say “work on it” does that mean work on the ice, in the weight room? Does that work happen between the ears? Where does that kind of transformational work have to take place?

DC: A lot of it is in your head, yes. But I’ve also hired people to help me with my skating and my hands over the summer. There’s a lot of training and a lot of pushing. I believe the day you are happy with where you are, that’s the day it starts going in the other direction. That’s something I’ve learned from the guys I’ve been lucky enough to play with in this organization.

EDGE: Whenever you’re on the ice, there’s definitely a buzz in the Prudential Center—not just when you’ve got the puck, but when you deliver a check or just get in a guy’s grill. Do you feed off that energy or are you oblivious to it?

DC: Oh, I feed off it. We are very lucky as Devils to have the type of fans we do. I don’t think we could have done what we did last year otherwise. When they start cheering, we get a real charge out on the ice. You really do feel that electricity from the fans.

Who knew? Behind the gentle, sensitive blue-eyed preppy we all took Andrew McCarthy to be, there beat the heart of an introspective adventurer and master storyteller? In his second life as a globetrotting journalist, McCarthy has contributed to National Geographic Traveler, Travel+Leisure, The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times. He also authored The Longest Way Home: One Man’s Quest for the Courage to Settle Down. EDGE Editor at Large Tracey Smith set out to determine when, why and how this Garden Stater transitioned from beloved actor to best-selling writer. As she discovered, these are merely two facets of the same glittering artist.

EDGE: It takes a tough skin to be an actor and to be able to put yourself out there, in front of people. When you look back at your career what enables you to do both?

AM: I don’t know if it takes a tough skin, but to have one it helps. Most people who go into acting probably don’t have one. I guess you develop one over time—

Photo courtesy of Free Press

or you just get beaten up enough and grow immune. I cannot imagine what else I would do, I’m not qualified to do anything but act. When I was a kid and discovered acting, I was 16, in high school. I was in my first play, and I had an amazing experience. I felt at home with myself, like I had never felt before, and the decision was made in that instant that there was no decision to make. It was just something I was going to do.

EDGE: Did writing hold the same kind of appeal?

AM: It was a similar feeling of relief, a feeling of being at home with myself. I have been lucky to say that my passions have become my jobs, which is a good thing—and I don’t know any way else to do it.

EDGE: Your travel writing tends to take you to the ends of the earth. Is that something you’ve done consciously?

AM: I find remote destinations interesting. I’m looking to be placed outside my comfort zone. I live in the city, so I like going to the Sahara Desert or Patagonia. Those kinds of extreme places really get my attention and wake me up in a way. It’s important to travel the world. It’s sort of a responsibility to see and experience as much of the world as we can. It makes us better people and more responsible global citizens, as it were. And also I find it’s fun as hell, too! I have a globe in my house and sometimes I just sit and sort of spin it. When I find a spot I don’t know about, often that’s reason enough for me to just get on a plane and go.

EDGE: Do you feel like a different person when you return from one of these adventures?

AM: Paul Theroux said, “You go away for a long time and return a different person…you never come all the way back.” In a certain respect that’s true. I’m an accumulation of whatever has happened to me—whether I am on the road or whether I am home. I find I am a better version of myself when I’m on the road. I’m more interested, I’m more curious, more open, braver, more engaged, more right-sized. When you get home it actually seems as if the effects wear off instantaneously. But the real changes, the deeper changes, go much deeper than that. They’re much more substantial.

EDGE: Is your family fully behind your new career?

AM: They are pretty aware that it’s the thing for me to do. Some people like to go to the gym. I like to go to Ethiopia (laughs).

Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures

EDGE: Has your travel writing fine-tuned your acting in any way?

AM: On a human level, it’s made me more relaxed in the world, and the more relaxed you are as an actor the better you are as an actor. Laurence Olivier said the key to acting is relaxation. So travel has opened me to be more relaxed in myself and how I deal with the world. And it’s helped my observational skills, which is what acting is all about. I think it makes me more awake and alive. And whenever you’re more awake you’re a better actor.

EDGE: I’m guessing a lot of your fans are anxious to know whether you are close with any of the actors you worked with in your “Brat Pack” days.

AM: I don’t keep in active touch with any of them. That’s the power of movies, you know, just to freeze a moment of time. We were so public at that time. People took a snapshot of us and they hold on to that snapshot. Everyone evolves from their 20’s to when they’re in their 40’s, so hopefully we are all evolving. When I look at these people from afar, I see them doing all sorts of interesting things with their careers. For instance, Emilio Estevez has gone on to direct some very interesting movies. The Way [co-starring his father, Martin Sheen] was just a very lovely movie.

EDGE: When you look into your crystal ball, what do you see five years from now? Do you want to be a playwright?Write a biography?

AM: Write a biography about someone else? No, I don’t see myself ever doing that. I do have a novel that I have been finishing and also an idea for another non-fiction book. Things just seem to have a natural evolution as they present themselves, so I try to pay attention and follow that. I’ve never been one of those people who has a good five-year plan. Whenever I do, it gets completely derailed.

EDGE: Mark Twain maintained that, 20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. “So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Would you agree?

AM: Yeah, I think that’s very true. And that’s the thing that travel does, it obliterates fear. It did in my life. I think that’s 95 percent of what Twain is talking about. Fear is not a viable thing to dictate our behavior. It does too often. It’s a wet blanket. Fear complicates your success. And it masquerades as many things. The challenge is identifying fear, whatever that fear may be. EDGE

Editor’s Note: The Longest Way Home (2012, Free Press) will be available in paperback this spring. In its review of the book, The New York Times described it as “a good book about a good man who’s trying good and hard to figure himself out.” Andrew grew up in Westfield and Bernardsville. He lives in New York City with his wife and daughter.

Your city has experienced remarkable growth since you came into office 20 years ago. Give me three reasons why.

Great geography…we are convenient to everything. Great diversity…more than 35 different languages are spoken here. And the Jersey Gardens Mall, which really led the way for Elizabeth to convert from a manufacturing economy to a service economy.

What’s the coolest thing about the city that almost no one knows about?

George Washington had lunch here on the way to his inauguration in New York. Also, America’s first ice cream soda was served on the corner of Fulton and 6th. Does anyone even drink ice cream soda anymore?

If you could bottle one thing about your city and sell it—not including ice cream soda—what would it be?

The strength of the people. They are focused, determined and always looking for opportunities to succeed.

What’s changed the most about politics during your two decades as mayor?

The general demeanor. People who disagree with your policies feel it’s now okay to paint you as a horrible human being because of them. Also, thanks to social media, people can say or do whatever they please, regardless of the truth, and it becomes part of the permanent record.

Speaking of social media, would you rather have a Facebook “like” or a Twitter follower?

Twitter follower. They seem more engaged.

What part of your job takes way more time than anyone can imagine?

Scheduling. I might have to be eight or ten different places on a Saturday.

What is the hardest thing to say NO to as mayor?

Saying no to promotions because of budget constraints. Sometimes the things you know will help your town are not possible because of decisions made at the state or national level.

Who were your heroes growing up in Elizabeth?

Teachers. They were encouraging, informative and fun to be around.

Yankees or Mets?

Dodgers, actually. My father was a Brooklyn fan, so we rooted for them after they moved to Los Angeles. Sandy Koufax made a big impression on me, even though I was a right-hander. He seemed like the quintessential baseball player.

What did you think you’d be doing when you grew up?

I had no idea. You don’t need to have a set plan. You just need a direction.
What first intrigued you about politics?

I had a brother born with Down Syndrome and severe disabilities that prevented him from living at home. A local Councilman, Maurice O’Keefe, picked up the phone and got my brother into a facility where he could be cared for properly. I was really moved by this. I saw firsthand how politics could help people. When Maurice lost his election in 1978, I got into politics and ended up taking his seat on the City Council four years later.

What is the origin of the name Bollwage?

German. My sister traced our family to Pine Street in the early 1800s. I bet we were leftover Hessians from the Revolutionary War!

What’s your favorite food?

In this town, with so many great restaurants, I’ll get in trouble no matter what I answer.

Okay, when your wife offers to make you something special for dinner, what do you ask for?

Reservations…Uh-oh, I’ll probably get in trouble for that answer, too.

Editor’s Note: Mayor Bollwage wasn’t kidding about Twitter. You can follow him @MayorBollwage. While you’re at it, follow EDGE, too
@EdgeMagNJ.